Without fanfare, it’s Labor Day again. We are spending the day quietly at home and I am knitting. But I’ve also been thinking about the perceived value of women’s work … or lack there of.
For the majority of my adult life I was a “stay-at-home mom” which mean that I didn’t have a paying job. As a stay-at-home mom I was up and going as soon as my feet hit the floor every day of the year. Twelve hour days, 7 days a week. I got up at night with hungry infants and sick children. I was the CEO of our home: laundress, cleaning woman, logistics manager, chauffeur, counselor, cheer leader, therapist, chef, travel agent and more. I was responsible for the grocery shopping, cooking three squares a day and event planning. My work didn’t end at 5 o’clock and vacation was simply a change of venue. I moved from New York (2 homes) to Connecticut (5 homes) to Ohio (2 homes) and almost to Illinois when my ex-husband took a new job. Each move meant packing up a home, saying goodbye to friends and family and then unpacking and starting all over again. Making a life isn’t easy for kids or adults. But a home must be created mindfully, a place where children are safe, where they find food, clean clothes and endless support, someone who takes their side in friendship battles, where they learn to trust and learn about relationships. I was responsible for getting it all done.
When the first two kids were in school I became a community volunteer in their classrooms, in the school, school district, and my neighborhood association. Eventually I even went back to work at a “real” job part-time to earn a little extra money to help pay for the kids’ activities, driver’s ed, orthodontics, etc.
I saw a post on Instagram recently that reminded me of the “replacement value” of a stay-at-home mom (without bonuses) which in today’s terms would be over $200,000 a year. Forbes* estimates that the average stay-at-home parent’s value over the course of 20 years is over $1 million or about $4500 monthly.
Over the last 40 years or so I have invested in my skills as a knitter. I took classes, read books, and practiced. I learned from other women and some men. I took “correspondence courses” and became a certified knitting teacher and instructor (two levels of testing). I was paid as a teacher for my expertise to teach others (money means value, right?) I remember a customer who requested an alpaca sweater. She asked me to create a design from a photograph and execute it by hand. When I quoted her a price in the $400 range, she balked and said she could buy one at a store for under $100. Even at the price quoted, my labor would have been $5 an hour. My value as a maker is (or should be) much higher than that.
My rule today is that I won’t knit for someone unless they’re willing to pay fairly for my time. If does feel like $300+ is a lot for a Christmas stocking, for example. But when you consider that the supplies cost $60-75 that leaves $225-240 for me. The time it takes to knit a stocking is 24-30 hours all in making my “wage” less than $9 an hour. The stocking becomes a family heirloom crafted in premium wool, with hand-sewn embellishments, a custom-stitched name, birth year and sometimes sequins, beads and specialty yarns.
So, I guess the moral of the story and what I have learned over time is that we have to value ourselves. We have to know our own worth. I know that I’ve made a difference in the lives of my children, my family, my community – all of them – and I continue to give back even after my children have left my home. I am fully satisfied with my successes and my mistakes because I am who I am today as a result of them all. When I’m asked to babysit for my grand dogs or grandchild, it means that I am trusted. When my son told me a few years ago that I was a great mom, that was my payday! I’m so grateful. I would choose being a stay-at-home mother again because my children will continue to make the world a better place. I will, too.
Gone knitting.
Queen Bee Knits 