Category Archives: Family

An Easter Story

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When I got divorced, my life changed drastically. It was (I was?) all turned upside down and I didn’t realize that it would never be the same. I have been working for the last six (plus) years on building a new iteration of my life. Some parts are very, very different. Some are similar. I work to maintain threads of some traditions that we valued as a family even though the family is not the same. And there are some parts that I am grateful to have given up & thrown away. We’re making new traditions, too. Figuring out how to be a family after a divorce isn’t easy and it takes time and perseverance.

The part of my life that I love the most is my children and this “Easter” (at least the few days leading up to Sunday) I got to spend some time in New York City with all three of my children. There’s nothing like it. And I am so proud (I know I’m repeating myself) of the people they are becoming … productive, self-supporting, happy, and fun to be with. All following their passions and building lives of their own. What a mother wants for her children and yet, also, requiring her to let them go … a mother’s worst heartbreak. A double-edged sword.

But this post isn’t written to make you sad. It’s joyful. I’m so happy to have spent time together in New York. And my little dogs were happy to see their “kids”, too! We also got to meet my son-in-law-to-be’s family for the first time which was a treat. Despite her concerns that someone would start a conversation about religion or politics and that everything would explode, we all got along. We all love this young couple bunches. Enough to be there for them and support them, no matter what.

What I realized this Easter is that I am “rising up” into a new life where I will be happy; filling my life with people I love and following my passions, too. Leaving the world, I hope, a better place. Making a difference in the life of a child. Just as I taught my children to do, I am now encouraging the same bravery in myself.

I didn’t take enough pictures but I have a heart-full of  memories to carry with me. Until the next time we meet!

Gone Knitting.

EEEEeeeee! (Yes, I’m excited!)

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On New Year’s Day I got a phone call from my first-born. In a somewhat hurried but muffled voice, she said she was in a fancy restaurant and probably shouldn’t be on the phone but “Spencer just proposed” and she didn’t want me to “hear” about it on Facebook (because her friends can’t keep a secret). Wow! My “baby” is engaged. That means I’m going to have a kid who’s married! Thank God, she wants to be engaged for awhile so I can get used to the idea.

On the other hand, she’s so totally happy, I’m so excited for her.

IMG_1041In 1980 when I got married, I wore my mother’s wedding dress. Somewhere I have a formal photo of mom wearing the dress in 1957 and another of me wearing it in 1980 – but having moved a few times, I’m not sure where they are … and for obvious reasons, hanging one in my house now is out of the question. Anyway …

Kate is interested in wearing the dress when she gets married and I thought it was a good time to open the box and see how the dress had fared since 1980. With several moves and a couple of “floods” in homes along the way, who knew what condition I’d find it in.

But it’s still perfect.

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The veil is, too!

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I’d even forgotten that it’s ivory colored and that the Alencon lace is so beautiful. When I wore the dress in October I wanted to have long sleeves and a long veil. The lady who altered the dress did a beautiful job of matching the lace for the sleeves and the veil to the lace that was already on the bodice of the dress (from nearly 25 years before!) And looking at the dress, I am amazed and awed that I had such a tiny waistline! Ah, what three babies and some stress and age will do to the waist!

The extra bonus to this whole adventure was finding this on the box …

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In my mother’s handwriting, a piece of family history that so touched my heart. I wish she was here to share this happy event with us. My mother so loved her grandchildren and would be so proud and happy to see them today as the wonderful young adults that they’ve become. I am hoping that Kate will decide to wear the dress, will change it to make it feel like it’s really a reflection of her style and personality and that we can add another date to the box.

I’ll be carrying this precious box full of family history up to New York City when we go to meet Spencer’s family, to oooh! and ahhh! over Kate’s ring and to see her star in Rock of Ages on Broadway. Several proud mom moments all wrapped into one weekend. Lots of emotional moments to cherish and an opportunity to have all three of my children in one place even if only for a couple of days.

Exciting, terrifying, amazing …

Gone knitting!

Knitting and Miracles

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My daughter wanted a pair of leg warmer for Christmas. Finding a pattern was easy. Finding yarn was easy. And when the sticks and string combined, magic was happening at my fingertips. At least until I realized that I had mis-read the pattern and hadn’t started the decreases early enough and the top of the leg fit me! (She is just a bit smaller than I am!)

So, I photographed them (because I liked the way the pattern was looking – and so did she!), frogged them and started again. The second time’s a charm, in this case.

With filter – Kate’s leg warmers

The pattern is Drops Designs leg warmers/yoga socks. For any of you who’ve knitted these patterns, they are not always easy to read. And this pattern is no exception. It’s important to read the pattern through a couple of times and knit mindfully. I “should” know better but raced into the pattern and realized that I had mis-read it too late! Anyway, iteration 2 went more smoothly and I have finished the first one! Yay!

Getting to the foot means that you’re almost half way done!

The yarn that my daughter chose is lovely colors and it’s wonderful to knit with … Madeline Tosh Sport in two colorways (I’ve posted about these before here). The colors are warm tones and the yarn has a wonderfully soft hand. Anyway – the first is done and the second is on the needles. This one will be copied from the first one – and will hopefully knit up more quickly that the first one (and I hope it’s only knit once!)

Meanwhile, we’ve had a couple of great miracles in the family. My younger brother and his wife welcomed a new little girl to the family on December 8. She’s beautiful. Perfect. A blessing.

Faye

I can hardly wait to kiss her and hold her. Her mom and papa are doing well and they’re bonding as a family. Faye joins four fur siblings. Guess I’ll be heading to California with my pups in the New Year!

With Papa! Happy Birthday!

Gone knitting!

Four Years as an Orphan

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Mom Jumping the Waves at Weekapaug

When my mother died, after ten years in the prison of Alzheimer’s Disease, my eldest (at the time) nephew, Will once again wowed us with his wisdom. He told us that only now were we all adults because we didn’t have any parents any more. (Wish I could remember the exact words he used. I will have to ask his mother!)

So, I’ve been an adult for four years now and it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Not only am I the first in line to die now but I am getting creakier but still feel so youthful (most of the time.) I am trying to spend the day with joyful memories of mom rather than being sad … and I’ve only had to wipe away the tears a few times so far.

Bear with Apple at Red Gate

Mom rented a house in Weekapaug, RI for several summer and we were so lucky to be able to spend the month with her there. The drive with three little kids (and Flo, my French daughter) was always an adventure and I remember thanking God for Knights Inns. We’d stop half way for the night and Kate loved the decor in the hotel and I needed to sleep! We had such good times at the beach and one of these days I will scan all the photographs so that I can share more. Weekapaug friends are still in our lives and when we win the lottery, we’re going to buy a house there at the beach. Maybe Red Gate – a huge old cottage that was our favorite, I think. A rambling old home that had been in the same family for generations. It had several porches and was near enough to the water that you could hear the waves at night.

Mom & Kate at the Zoo

When mom visited us in Cincinnati, she loved to take the kids out for a day with GranJan. Up until she couldn’t travel anymore, she would borrow my van and drive to the mall and the day was always a favorite of the kids – mostly the girls because my son was so young – but they’d shop for clothes and toys, have lunch and Auntie Anne’s pretzels. Build A Bear was always a favorite stop. Toy R Us was across the street and there were hours spent there, too. Mom loved the zoo, too. We were always members of the zoo and loved going down there for an hour or for a day …  and in the winter, it was even more fun because the animals were (mostly) more active!

She was a task-master, a critic, a tennis fanatic (both on the courts and around the courts), a caring daughter, sister, aunt, friend. We were lucky to have her for as long as we did! My life today is better because of her … even with the disagreements that we had! 🙂

I miss her. I know she’s free of her disease now and I’m sure she’s proud of my three kids and of me. She’s watching over us every day – and she’s smiling!

Gone knitting!

Empty Houses

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Last one in the pool … three boys and one who should have been a boy!

While my family was here for an extended weekend, we celebrated being together. We celebrated my oldest brother’s second recovery from a bout with hepatic encephalopathy. We mourned the loss of N’s dog, Max. We laughed, set off fireworks, made Smores, took a road trip to the Maine neighborhood where we went as kids, ate a few lobsters, some fried seafood, some “incredible cheeseburger pie” … really enjoyed having the time to spend together.

Baby Mourning Doves in their hand knit “nest” – Scuttlebutt and Ringo

My middle nephew found this pair of baby mourning doves a few days before coming to Maine and had researched the care and feeding of baby birds. They were thriving under his hourly feedings. It’s not an easy job being a mama bird … especially for a thirteen year old boy. Sadly, the smaller bird on the left, Scuttlebutt, died after they left Maine. As my brother the veterinarian says, “that’s why birds lay more than one egg.” Death is part of the circle of life. Survival of the fittest. A valuable lesson for all of us to enjoy the time we have.

Cousins on Blueberry Hill

My niece from LA was here for the first time. She was making some new “firsts”. First trip to Maine, first time picking blueberries, first sailboat trip, first lobster salad … and the list goes on.

It’s hard to believe that this young woman (and the rest of her family, too) has been in our lives for only a bit over three years. It feels so natural to be together and we have so much fun together. I’m not sure whether family just fits together … or maybe we are simply blessed to have that ease and comfort with each other after so short a time.

Jumping Off

Now, after they’ve all left, only N and I and two little dogs remain. The house is so quiet. N is struggling with a sore neck and a hurting heart. The empty house has reminded him of his loss and we are both feeling the loss of our family in the house.

I haven’t done much knitting but have to “un-knit” the few extra rows in my sweater … that’s what happens when you don’t pay attention! There were better things to watch and enjoy!

Gone knitting.

Family and the Power of Prayer

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The Power of Prayer

Several months ago, I organized a Facebook “event”. It was a moment of prayer, asking those invited to say a prayer for a friend’s husband at a specific time. No matter where they were, just stop for a minute and say a prayer for healing after he’d suffered with debilitating “issues” for years. While I can’t say that he’s healed today and able to take his grandson fishing JUST because of the prayers that I asked for, I can’t help but believe that they did have some affect.

On Sunday my big brother had a health challenge and scared the heck out of us. When he arrived at the ER near his home, the doctors told my sister that she should get the kids there. Twenty-four hours later at the big hospital in New Orleans, the doctors told her that he wasn’t that sick. We all asked for prayers. We all got down on our knees and prayed ourselves. Today, he’s back home. The power of prayer? Or just great medicine being practiced? Maybe both? Whatever it is, it was the only thing I could do – and I’m so grateful for the prayers from all over the world for my big brother. I truly believe that he’s going to get the liver that he needs and that we’ll have many years to enjoy each other.

When people join together in a common purpose, with good in their hearts, good things happen.

Yesterday, we traveled to Marblehead, MA to see my California brother and visit with our Marblehead brother and his family. We arrived, settled our dogs and went out fishing. My eldest nephew was the Captain of the ship, his younger brother his First Mate. While I was knitting and taking pictures, the boys (my CA brother and my sweetie and my nephews) caught bait fish way out in the ocean …  pollack (“not good bait fish, they swim down too deep”) and mackerel, good bait fish – and beautiful creatures with green and black markings on their backs. You hook the mackerel with jigs that can catch five or six fish at one time. And they did. Beautiful glistening lines of wiggling fish brought out of the ocean and put into the live traps (boxes with running water that keep the fish alive.)

The “real” fishing happens back in near shore often in ten feet of water. Stripers like to hang out in and near the rocky shoreline. The boys collectively caught four fish, each was able to reel one in – two 32 inch, a 37 inch “breeder” that was released back to swim and breed another day, and a little one around 20 inches. We kept one 32 inch fish which my middle nephew humanely killed, thanking it for being good food. I’d never been on a successful deep sea fishing trip. This was a fun first foray – I will go again!

Cole & 32 inch Striped Bass – this is a keeper!

Will and his 32 inch striper

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Biggest catch of the day – a 37inch striper and Rick

We had a wonderful time enjoying each other’s company and it was a gloriously beautiful day on the water. Even if there had been no fish, the trip would have been a success. My nephews may not know how blessed they are to grow up in a place where they can go out in a boat fishing for a few hours … but it was on my mind as they so competently drove the boat, caught bait, patiently waited for a fish to bite and knew exactly how to reel them in.

Spending time together with an eye on the prize (whether fish or just fun) is one of my very most favorite things to do! I’m so grateful for the opportunity to spend this time with my family. Life is so good!

Gone knitting.

 

 

Fathers’ ? Father’s? … A day for Celebrating and Remembering Dads!

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Everybody has a father.

My father had a father …

He looks like he was the penultimate lawyer (and I think he was an excellent patent attorney). He was gone before I was born so I never knew my father’s father. He must have had a more relaxed side, too … here he is resting while my grandmother does the dishes on a camping trip in Rye (NY?). I think we’d have called him “Grandfather”!

My mother had a father …

This is Grandpa Jack making up a bouquet of pussy willows. I didn’t know him either. He was gone before I was born. Mom was only 14 when he died and her younger sister was four. Oh, the stories about Grandpa Jack! He was a milk man and at one time drove a horse-drawn milk truck. He must have been an entertaining guy … here he is wearing a woman’s bathing suit! (Nice legs, Grandpa!)

I had a father …

He was a really great provider and a dedicated gardener. He was a handsome guy! I remember loving to be out in the woods with my dad. Puttering – picking up sticks or trimming bushes. He’d cut a branch of a birch tree that smelled like root beer. Or a big green leaf that smelled like skunk. He almost always had a cigarette in his hand. He would bring us to church (“I see the steeple” would win a penny) and sit in the car and wait to pick us up, reading his Sunday paper and smoking cigarettes. He had a running battle with the squirrels in the back yard who would rather eat bird seed he put out for the birds than the corn he’d put down for them. Mostly the squirrels won but Dad seemed to enjoy the exercise! He loved Maine and was quite a good photographer. He always came in from (snow-) blowing the driveway covered head to foot in snow and stamping his feet. He always rubbed Nouki’s belly at the top of the stairs as he went up to “change” after work. He cried when he had to finally put Sam to sleep. It was the first of two times I ever remember seeing him cry – the second was at his mother’s funeral. He would buy my the pink pistachio nuts that stained our fingers if I went with him to the store. Sometimes on Saturday, I got to go with him to work – and we ate lunch out of the machines at the automat in his building. It was a treat to spend time alone with him because it didn’t happen often. Dad drove American-made cars, mostly convertibles. I remember a Sunday drive with the top down when Jeff was a baby and a cloth diaper (burp cloth) flew out of the car … we all laughed and drove on. He liked coconut ice cream cones at Ho Jo’s and eating fried seafood at Burt’s. He always wore a suit to work with a white shirt and tie. He called me, “monk” (short for monkey). Oh, how I’d love to hear his voice today. Memories are comforting and there are many. I was lucky to be his little girl.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad. I still miss you all these 27 years later.

Gone knitting.

 

We’re Growing! It’s a … ?

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In late December I will become an aunt again. My younger brother (my nearly-Irish-twin brother, sixteen months my junior brother) and his wife are having a baby! Their first.

The last time one of my brothers’ had a new baby, it was my youngest brother who has not quite hit the big 5-0 yet … and his youngest is into the double digits!

My brother and sister-in-law have waited a long time for this baby (relative to their chronological ages) and it’s going to be a great occasion when he/she is born.

So what does that mean for our family?

Joy! Growth. Gratitude. A reminder of what is really important!

While we have had our relationship ups and downs, we’re all “older” enough that we realize how lucky we are to have each other. We all have friends who have lost family members. We have all lost our parents. We cherish every minute together and we make time to be together. As you may remember, we’ve added a new brother and sister and their respective families into the fold in early 2009 and we’re still reveling in that new addition. We’ve added two great-nephews, too. And now, again, we’re growing!

Family means the world to me. In a perfect world (at least in MY perfect world), we’d all live within a short walk of each other. But the world is far from perfect and we’re spread all over the map (U.S. map, anyway!) California, Louisiana, Arizona, Massachusetts, New York, Illinois, Ohio, Florida … none particularly close to the other but today we’re closer than ever. Because I’ve not been working for someone else, I’ve been privileged to travel to each of my brothers’ homes and to my children’s’ homes, too, in the last year. Last summer all the brothers and their wives and some of the kids and one of my kids and their dogs all took part in the Messalonskee “Camp Smedley” R&R week. 13 people, 8 dogs. And we hardly ever left the campus!

This new baby will join aunts, uncles, cousins, fur-family, grandparents … a couple of generations of family who love him or her already. Just because his/her parents love each other and because we all love them. That’s what family is about, isn’t it? Loving each other as we are and holding each other up when we’re down. Leaning on each other. Accepting, sharing, laughing, making time to be together.

Gone knitting!

 

The Roadtrip Reason

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My son, my “baby”, graduated on Saturday from University of Cincinnati College Conservatory of Music. That makes three college graduates! Yay!

The graduate and his Broadway-bound big sister!

P.S. We didn’t know what the red sash around his neck was for either … turns out he liked the way it looked and “borrowed” it from his friend! That’s my boy! 🙂

Road Trip! The Kindness of Strangers

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My grand-dog, Mabel, always happy to ride in the car!

This weekend, I put a lot of miles on my daughter’s car, took some long subway rides, knitted in public and watched my son (my youngest child) graduate from college.

I wanted to blog really badly when I arrived in New York at my daughter’s apartment. But didn’t bring my laptop and was sure NOT going to attempt a blog entry on my phone. So, now that it’s not as fresh, I want to mention that I was struck by how many people on the uptown A train (express from Howard Beach to 190th Street) were kind to each other!

When I lived in New York and was pregnant with my first child, I remember long train rides, standing. I was the size of a subway car for goodness sake … and nobody seemed to notice my balloon legs and Omar-the-tentmaker “dress”? But I am happy to report that kindness (and manners) are alive and well in 2012. A gentleman in a suit got up and gave his seat to a woman with a tiny baby on her chest (in a baby carrier – get your head out of the gutter!) Another man gave his seat for the woman’s little girl. An older lady nearly fell into the lap of a woman seated. Rather than copping an attitude, the lady helped her sit and said it was “no problem”. It was sweet to see! I’d likely have written more if my mind was still fresh but alas, it’s not!

Thursday plane, train and subway from Maine to my daughter’s apartment in Washington Heights (Manhattan). Friday a ten-hour drive from New York to Cincinnati. Saturday brunch, graduation and dinner. I also managed some knitting in public both on my son’s porch and at Starbucks! Sunday the return ten-hour drive from Cincinnati to New York – with a lovely traffic jam only five miles from my daughter’s apartment that delayed our Tony watching for over an hour! And today, subway, train and plane back to Maine! Lots of travel for a momentous occasion … my last child’s graduation from college! That means three have successfully completed four years of college and they all are employed! I am one proud mom!

I made a lovely new knitting friend at my gate this afternoon. I believe it’s safe to say that I have never met a knitter I don’t like! She’s from New York State and was heading to Maine on business. On her needles a shawl (pattern had no photo … brave soul!) and in her suitcase, a pair of socks in progress. A woman after my own heart! Her 401k is being earmarked for yarn while her husband’s will pay for retirement. Hey, a girl on a fixed income has got to have a stash of yarn to knit with! I say, that is mighty good planning! We had a great chat and agreed that when traveling we both plan and pack our knitting first!

As nice as it is to travel, I will be happy to sleep in my own bed tonight. Listening to my little Lola snore. I am grateful for friends who open their houses to this Queen Bee and for precious time spent with my children. Tonight I’m too tired to even download photos. So, suffice it to say, I’m not knitting … but I’m going … to bed! 🙂