Category Archives: Pets

Wow! What a Week!

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We’ve been home from our whirlwind, sad, wonderful, family-filled trip to New York City for almost a week and it’s been a super busy (almost) week. I was glad to be there for my daughter when they had to say goodbye to my first grand-dog and it’s always wonderful to squeeze all of my kids and their significant others in person. AND bonus we get to spend quality time with our granddaughter.

I love seeing my other kids, now aunts and uncles, with Sylvie. They all adore her and are so supportive of each other which is exactly what I hope would happen when they grew up. Sibling relationships are difficult and require acceptance and flexibility and we all go through our own “stuff” … it’s wonderful to have siblings to share life with. On Mabel’s last morning on Earth, we took Sylvie to the playground for a couple of hours so that her parents could focus on Mabel and not worry about the baby. We walked up to the playground and played and then stopped at a local restaurant (ostensibly for lunch but Sylvie wanted no food) and home for a nap. It was a beautiful NY day and it was wonderful to be outside. Monk is always tired out after his visits to NY but he loves being included and staying with his nephews, Gus and Picasso, and all the sniffs he gets there.

When we arrived back home I was delighted to see the developments in our garden. We are growing TULIPS! We also have daffodils and some hyacinths coming up … well the mini-daffs are in bloom and the big daffs are coming soon. I’m super excited about the tulips, though. I’ve always had to NOT plant them because critters eat them. So far, we’ve been lucky … and I hope I’m not speaking out of turn because this is the exact moment that critters will eat them to the ground. I’m crossing my fingers.

Yesterday, we took a ride to Popham Beach State Park. We ran a few errands on the way there, took a long walk on the beach, gathered a few shells and then came home. It was a gorgeous day to be outside and I am so glad we went. It’s lovely to be by the ocean and I loved spending the time alone with my hubby. We tried to take a selfie but we both looked grumpy so I deleted it – we were not grumpy and I’d rather remember the day than see an inaccurate depiction. Ha! Ha!

I have been knitting! I really have! On the way to New York, I cast on a little cotton sundress for Sylvie in bubblegum pink cotton. Sunbeam Kids Dress in Jody Long My Little Sunshine organic cotton yarn. I like the yarn and the color will be great on her this summer. I’m babysitting at the end of May and will make sure the length is a tiny bit longer than perfect then and we should have a lot of fun watching her run on the beach in September.

I’ve got my second Emotional Support Chicken ready to seam and stuff. I love the colors of this one and I hope that my friend and former camper will love her, too. If all goes well today, I will finishe her … and since it’s raining, it looks like I’ll be spending the day in my atelier!

I’m also working on a pair of socks. This yarn has been in my stash for at least a decade. My daughter bought two balls of it for me back when she was still living in Chicago. I made one pair of socks from the first ball before I was on Ravelry and chose this yarn for my next pair because it’s pink and I seem to be in a pink phase. I’m knitting the Hermione’s Everyday Sock pattern by the Crazy Sock Lady on US 1.5 DPNs. The pattern is easy to remember and makes good car knitting. I’m ready to start the heel of the first sock today.

I’ve been working a very little, tiny, incy wincy bit on my Jelly Roll Blanket. I have a basket full of scraps of sock yarn next to my desk chair so that I can knit on it during zoom meetings. I missed a couple while we were in NYC but I’ve got more coming. This blanket will be a long-term project for sure but it’s grown a little bit.

And last but not least, yesterday on our way home from Popham Beach, we stopped at Mother of Purl in Freeport where I had ordered a Lumos Lumos, aka boob, light. I have thought about buying one of these lights for a while and LYS Day was yesterday and they had a special promotion for the lights. When we went to pick it up, I had to buy a bit of yarn, too, to make a sweater for Sylvie for the fall/winter. The pattern is Binx and it’s knit in a DK weight yarn. The store sample was in Patagonia which is currently one of my favorite yarns. I don’t seem to be allergic to this yarn and it get so soft when worked/washed/worn. I have at least one more sweater worth in my stash … maybe two. Ha! Ha! I will make myself finish at least two projects before I can cast on a new one.

Gone knitting.

Three Years

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This little guy has been gone three years today and my heart misses him so much. Boq was a special boy. He loved to hide under the chair in my Florida living room. He was a great paper shredder as long as he wasn’t under any time constraints. It took him forever because he was very thorough. He loved to explore when he was a younger pup.He loved to go on family walks in Maine and would walk all the way to the mailboxes while his sister chose to get a ride.

He once “got lost” in the yard and came limping up to the back door which is really the front door at the back of the house. Back then it was the old house. He must have gone under the house and made friends or enemies with a baby porcupine because he had a tiny porcupine quill in his foot. Or it could have been a tiny thorn. You have to admit the baby porcupine story is a good one.

Boogie Man was always willing to pose for a photograph. He was the photogenic one. His sister hated it. He also loved to sit on laps and cuddle. He loved blankets and he loved his beds. His bed in my studio was his favorite place to stretch out on his back with a blanket and a favorite toy and snooze in the sun. He was never potty trained. I was. I could read him pretty well and when I missed his cues, it was my fault and he was small. To this day, if an ice cube melts on the kitchen floor, I think of him.

He loved his sweaters and outfits and he wore them all well and with good humor. He was the best nursing home visitor and would sit with any of the residents. He even brought one woman out of her silence (and made her daughters cry). He was always up for a car ride and he sometimes was found riding while facing the back seat while the other dogs were facing forward. Did I tell you he was a special boy?

Boq developed a seizure disorder late in his life. It was horrible to witness his seizures. Medicine kept it pretty well at bay until it didn’t. He had a massive seizure one day when we were both at work and my dear hubby came home to a dog who was very sick. He rushed him to the vet and they stabilized him but we had a big decision to make because it was going to happen again and it would be an emergency. We didn’t want him to suffer. He was suffering, he wasn’t eating and was “hiding” himself in our closet most of the days.

I miss him so much even after three years. I loved watching his hair bounce when he ran in to the kitchen for dinner or breakfast. He would patiently wait for his sister to finish her food so he could lick her bowl. He was very good at cleaning up the kitchen floor. He was a joy to share life with for 14+ years. The only thing he ever did “wrong” was that he didn’t live forever.

We miss you Mr. Boogie. You were the best boy.

Hurricane Lee Day

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September 16, 2023

Today’s the day we’ve all been waiting for. Hurricane Lee has been heading toward New England and thankfully, it’s been downgraded to a tropical storm but is still hitting the northern coasts of New England with some pretty powerful wind! We are getting wind here but so far, minimal rain and our power is hanging in. (We are very fortunate to have a generator so that’s not really a concern.)

We arrived home on Tuesday afternoon from a week-long vacation in Rhode Island with my three (adult) children and their significant others and their dogs and our granddaughter. What a wonderful week we had together. I am so grateful that they all want to spend a week with us and that they carve time out of their busy lives to be together. We enjoyed wake-ups with Sylvie in the morning since we’re the earliest risers and we had beach time, photo shoots, a wonderful lobster feast al fresco and a wonderful visit to the Mystic Aquarium. It was a family-full week and we left with full hearts.

I didn’t get a whole lot of knitting time because being together was the priority but I managed to get some time in the car on the way down to finish up a little Plymouth Encore sweater. The yarn was gifted to me by one of my students who doesn’t have any “tiny” ones to knit for. I knitted up a yoked sweater, a Plymouth pattern, 2649 Baby & Toddler Top Down Cardigan. I just need to attach the buttons and give it a good wash. With the leftovers I made a hat designed by Susan B. Anderson from her Itty BItty Hats book. It’s the Inca Hat. It’s a quick knit and I love having ear flaps for little ones.

While we were there, I did get some nap time knitting in on my Norwegian Genser. I added a lifeline so that if it didn’t actually fit me that I could frog back to a place where I could make some adjustments. I use dental floss for lifelines because it’s slippery and it’s fine/thin enough to not make my stitches change their size. I’ve tried other yarns, etc. but dental floss does the trick for me. I don’t buy the mint flavored for obvious reasons but I have to admit to heading to my knitting bag when I get something stuck in my teeth. Haha. You can barely see the lifeline at the place where I split for the sleeves. I tried it on shortly after this and I think the size is going to be just right and even better if I lose my vacation pounds. Again, haha.

I love the purple! I think the design is stunning and I am excited to be able to wear it. The yarn is ASK yarn from Norway and it’s a rustic sport weight wool so the sweater won’t be too warm. I hope. Now I just have inches and inches of stockinette stitch. I will be trying it on again soon – maybe today – just to check the fit once more. Fingers crossed.

I’ve cast on a pumpkin hat and will make two of these to send to my daughter’s friend who has two boys. I never sent anything when the second son was born so I’ve been thinking about it for nearly a year. The pattern is Patrick’s Pumpkin and I’m knitting them in Encore worsted by Plymouth. I’ve made several in Brown Sheep’s Cotton Fleece but I thought that Encore would be an easy care choice for these hats. Life with two young boys isn’t “easy”. I also made a bit of a change in the pattern. Where the band calls for knitting with two strands held double, I’ve chosen, this time, to knit with one strand and when I got to the increase round, I increased with a M1. It seems to be ok and the band isn’t as “inflexible” as I remember it being. I’ll plan to finish the first hat, a large size, today and start a medium size when I finish the first – hope they’ll both fit for fall’s cooler weather.

I pulled out some fingering weight scraps of yarn to bring to the beach but I never touched it. The plan was to knit up a few gnomes. I bought Sarah Schira’s Grimblewoods Collection several months ago and want to make a little gnome family for our house at Christmas time – and maybe it’ll be out all year, too. Anyway, I never touched it. I didn’t get much knitting in while on vacation but I will get one cast on today or tomorrow. I fell in love with the collection because of Gnedward (my hubby’s name is Edward.)

Some unhappy news is that we lost our grand-dog Bessie. She had had a seizure when they were out in California and despite having put her on anti-seizure meds, she’s continued to have seizures. While they were on the Cape visiting the other grandparents after our beach trip, Bessie had five seizures and they couldn’t get them controlled. Bessie was a “foster fail” about eight years ago. I was there the day she was adopted and then returned. My daughter was so protective of Bessie and I knew she was home forever at that time. Somewhere I have a photo of Bessie and Mabel on the couch in their NYC apartment. Mabel looks like she’s praying to be rid of the big dog that Bessie was (they nicknamed her “Bus”). Our family has a 60 pound hole in our hearts and the kids are really suffering her loss. Rest well, sweet Bus. We will all miss you.

Gone knitting.

Thankful

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We woke to this view this morning and are so thankful for the privilege of living here, this close to nature and where we can escape the craziness of the world. We are just back from our Thanksgiving gathering in Marblehead, Massachusetts. Two of my kids and their partners and dogs came up from New York. It was a wonderful Northshore Thanksgiving – seafood feast; clam chowder from the Causeway Restaurant in Gloucester, steamed clams and lobsters and dessert from the Italian bakery in the north end of Boston. A wonderful gathering of family and friends who are like family.

I’ve been knitting away and have finished several projects that I can share and a couple that I won’t.

I had a commission for three simple Christmas stockings from my cousin who had lost hers to a moth infestation. She requested green, red and white and I insisted that I’d put on their names. I made an effort to get them finished by Thanksgiving because I’ve lost the post office holiday “battle” before when items intended for Christmas didn’t arrive in time … even when sent two weeks in advance. I didn’t want that to happen here. I’ll be writing up this pattern in the coming weeks for my followers. Why not, right?

I also finished a stocking for my granddaughter. I wanted hers to match her parents and thankfully I kept a copy of the pattern. I must have had the book once upon a time but I don’t any more. I knit Sylvie’s stocking out of Plymouth Galway yarn in an Aran colorway. The stocking is cabled with two different cable patterns on it. The hugs and kisses cables go down the front and back of the sock from top to the tip of the toe, around the heel, too. It’s not an easy pattern but I’ve learned to read my knitting and cross the stitches according to my eyes in order to keep the pattern going. If my memory serves, I added a tassel and an initial ornament to her parents’ stockings. I couldn’t find a nice “S” ornament but I found a cute photo ornament and I think it’ll be good.

I’ve knitted a few things for my granddaughter that I think I can share with you since she’s not yet reading (she’s one month old!) I made her a pair of faux shearling booties and a Christmas sweater and a Love and Light to hang in her nursery.

The shearling booties have knitted cuffs. This is a fairly simple kit to knit that one of my co-workers saved out for me. She was knitting a pair for her granddaughter and I’m grateful that she thought of me. Every well-dressed Maine grand baby needs these. The are a “kit” by Boye called Starting Point Cozy Cuff Baby Booties. I used scraps of Berroco Vintage for the cuffs. I can’t wait to see these on her!

Babies love to look at lights and I thought a light-up heart, Love and Light, designed by Laura Nelkin would be a good addition to her nursery. I had ordered the 200-light strand of fairy lights from Amazon some time ago and finally grabbed my needles to get it done. It’s such “big” knitting that it doesn’t take too long to make and it’s absolutely adorable.

I made her a Newborn Vertebrae sweater in rainbow sock yarn and because this fits so well, I decided to make her another one, this time for Christmas. I knitted the body of the sweater with white sock yarn and then grabbed some bits of stashed yarn and knitted red cuffs, a green and red border around the front of the sweater, and then i duplicate stitched a big green Christmas tree with a bright yellow star to the back. I think it’s adorable. I really wanted to put some sequins and beads on it but babies only spend time on their backs these days and that would NOT have been comfortable. Maybe next year!

I’ve still got a Musselburgh hat to finish but I’m nearly up to the decreases and finishing. I hope it fits. I think it’ll be warm. Pictures to follow as it’s a gift. I’ve got 15 of my Arne and Carlos Norwegian mini-Jumpers finished and number 16 is on the needles. Needless to say, these will not be finished this year and it’s ok. I’ll get them done for next year and this year I’ve bought all of my kids a chocolate advent calendar from Harbor Sweets in Salem, MA. If you’ve not tried their sweet sloops, you’re in for a treat. They’re quite a step up from the $1 chocolate advent calendars from the Christmas Tree Store in Augusta!

I have a couple of pairs of mittens on the needles, too. The KAL “Merry” mittens has been fun. I’ve knitted through the end of the third clue and have the fourth to do next. And there’s a second mitten, too. The Peace de Resistance mittens have been chilling out in my knitting bag for ages. They’ll be happy to see the light of day one of these days. There’s also a pair of socks on my needles.

As of today I’ve completed about 63 projects. I think. I keep track in my bullet journal and in my Ravelry queue (mark the year you’re knitting in the “tags” area) I’m quite pleased about this number because I’ve been working and teaching and volunteering on two boards of trustees so I’ve been busy.

I want to touch back to the sad end of of our Thanksgiving when we had to say goodbye to my beloved grand-dog, Willow. On Friday morning, something was wrong with our girl. Luckily, my brother is a veterinarian and he and his wife scooped up a very uncomfortable Willow and took her to their animal hospital for a check. It turned out that she had a “sizable” tumor on her heart and the heart was surrounded by fluid from the tumor. The fluid could be tapped and drained but there was no way of knowing how quickly it would fill up again. My daughter and her husband made the difficult decision to put Willow to sleep so she wouldn’t suffer, and she was suffering. We all had a chance to visit with her and say our farewells and my brother and sister-in-love are the most caring and compassionate team I know. We are so very lucky that we were there at their house when this happened. The kids were scheduled to head back into New York City that morning and it could just as easily have happened in the car. At least our dear Willow was surrounded by people who love her as she passed away. We will all miss her.

Rest in peace, sweet Willow. Until we meet again.

Gone knitting.

Mini Jumpers Advent Calendar, WIPs and a FO

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I’m making progress day by day and I’m well on my way to completing the 24 Arne & Carlos Advent Calendar mini-jumpers. I’ve finished through #8 and have begun #9. They’re quite fun and they don’t take a lot of time at all once you get the hang of it.

Because they’re going to hold tiny trinkets (gifts) for Advent, I decided to catch the floats in the body of the jumper but I’m not worrying at all about the sleeves. Nobody’s fingers will be getting caught in the floats so I’m just knitting them with abandon. I decided at the outset to make all of the sweaters in a “traditional” Christmas palate of red, green and white and I’m sticking to that. To be honest, though, I’ve doubted myself here on more than one occasion as I try to figure out how to keep the colors random but no two the same right next to each other.

I’m slowly making my way to finishing a few WIPs or UFOs … I use the two terms interchangeably, don’t you? I’ve finished a camouflage sweater for my son’s pup, my youngest grand-dog, Gus. I was asked to knit it in camo yarn in honor of my little shihtzu, Boq who died last January. A very sweet request. Gus should have it (hopefully it will fit!) in New York City by Boq’s birthday. I can’t believe how much I still miss those little dogs. Boq loved his “macho” camo sweater and was such a handsome model (see below.) Photos of Gus in his sweater coming soon.

Wicked Munchkin Boq 1/31/2005 – 1/15/2021

I’ve had a new order from a former customer who I’m always delighted to hear from. Every winter I’ve been knitting her a few caps in bulky weight yarns. This year she’s requesting black hats and navy hats. I have one black hat knitted and the second hank of yarn is caked up and ready to knit. If I’d stop writing, I could knit it and have them both blocked and ready for delivery next week.

I’m nearly finished with the front of the Anchor Sweater. I put it aside to knit Gus’s sweater and the caps for Judy. I hope I’ll get it finished so that I can knit the sleeves and wrap this project up by the middle of next month. The sleeves have some stripes on them but they’re pretty simple and shouldn’t take a long time to knit. Intarsia is still one of my least favorite knitting techniques but the sweater is pretty cute. Some lucky kiddo will get to wear this sweater eventually!

Gone knitting!

Adjusting. Change.

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This will be the first month that I’ve missed knitting a pair of socks (or two) in almost two years. It’s been an extraordinarily busy month and it’s been really stressful.

Our refrigerator wasn’t keeping the ice cream frozen so we put a call into the technician we’ve used and he said it’s more than likely the condenser is shot. He advised us to buy a new refrigerator. Despite the LG people saying it takes a couple of hours (if you can find a technician who will come to service it – we’ve tried five, none of which can do anything for at least 3-4 weeks) the technicians all say it’s almost a full day’s work. LG will pay for the part under warranty but we have to pay for the service … guess what? It’s probably not worth it. Never mind that by the time someone can come to fix it our food will be gone. Ugh. So, we bought a new fridge and installed it ourselves because they couldn’t deliver for a week either. Ugh.

I’ve been driving a 2007 Camry since it was a new car. It was wonderful in suburbia but it’s not as wonderful on rural Maine camp roads. We’ve been talking about buying me a new one and we went out for our initial hunt last week. There isn’t much to see … not too many new or used cars are available and there’s not a lot of hope for a different situation into 2022 because of computer chips that aren’t readily available. Anywhoo … we found a RAV 4 that we thought was a good match for us and gave the dealership a deposit and it was supposed to come in at the end of the month. I was on my way to work last Thursday and saw it on the back of a car carrier truck and then got a call from the dealership that it was in if we wanted to test drive it. Suffice it to say, we pulled together all of our pennies and bought me a new car.

Meanwhile, my brother and sister-in-love in MA called me to talk about my remaining Little, Lola. I knew that she was close to the end of her life and that she wasn’t thriving but I was blind to the truth that she had no real quality of life and certainly no joy. My wonderful family offered to come to Maine to have a look and see how she was doing and, if I wanted to, to euthanize her. As I thought about it all last week, I knew she was ready. I wasn’t and would never be if I am totally honest. She was disoriented, her back legs weren’t’ working and she often fell down, she wasn’t able to get outside to do her business and she kept getting “stuck” around the house. She wasn’t comfortable.

Lola died peacefully at home on Sunday morning with all of us loving her. I will always remember her like this. She was such a wonderful girl. She was my heart animal and I absolutely adored her. She was almost literally attached to my right hip for the past 15 years. Life is horribly out of balance without her. To have lost both of my beloved Littles in six months is crushing. I am so grateful to have had them both in my life for so long and selfishly I wish it could have been longer. But even another year or five years wouldn’t have been enough. I still wouldn’t have been ready to say goodbye. I already miss her more than I could have imagined.

I’m knitting and it’s my time-filler now as well as being something to focus on in this difficult time. I’ve been working to finish the Gallbladder Shawl for my daughter’s birthday (that is this weekend) and I may get it finished but I doubt that I can get it blocked and delivered in time. But that will have to be ok this year. I think she’ll understand. I have a Christmas stocking up next for a sweet friend/customer and a list of future knits to follow that. I have to finish a sweater that has been languishing … I need to pick up the stitches around the neck and down the second side and knit four rows for the button bands and then knit the sleeves. It’s SO close.

For now, I’m giving myself grace around everything as I learn to live without my four-legged companion. My husband and I were talking over coffee this morning and saying that we are each missing the habits or patterns that our little family has been living with all these years. We look for her in her spot, I walk downstairs at bedtime with empty arms, there’s nobody to take outside first thing in the morning or last thing at night. So we will continue to be grateful that she’s at rest and we will create new habits/patterns to fill in those holes where the Littles are missing. We loved them so.

Gone knitting.

Deep Freeze, Raw Emotions

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Deep Freeze on Messalonskee 3/2/2021

My emotions have been very close to the surface recently. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m mourning the last year that we’ve “lost” because of Covid-19 or because there is finally a sense of calm in our Nation’s capital with the new administration. I’m not sure what it is that I am feeling so deeply or that’s bubbling up but it’s there and with this post I am acknowledging it. I am looking forward to the day when it feels safe to leave the house and when I can see my family again. I miss them all so much but I am also so grateful that they’ve all remained healthy.

We woke to sub-zero temperatures today and lots of wind gusts! It was blowing all night but we have been fortunate to retain our power today while lots of other communities in Maine have not. The sun is out and the sky is bluebird blue and that always helps my “attitude”. I would love to see a really good snowstorm before spring but they posted our road yesterday and our camp road has been a muddy mess for a week or more so I may not get my wish.

Today I finally seamed the underarms of my test knit sweater, Crofter’s Smock by Gudrun Johnston. I like it more than I thought I would before it was blocked. The fabric relaxed a lot in its bath. I also learned a few new techniques: folded cuffs and neck and saddle shoulders. This sweater was fun to knit, partly because it’s somewhat cropped and knit in an Aran weight yarn. I used Hayfield Bonus Aran with Wool (a washable acrylic and wool blend) and it was heavy on the US8 needles … my hands got tired knitting! After seaming the underarms, I put the sweater on – this is the coldest day of our winter so far – and it’s nice and warm, the sleeve length is perfect and I like the pockets placed on the side of the sweater. I can’t show you any photographs yet but when I have permission, I’ll add them here.

Meanwhile, I have cast on a pair of socks for my March 2021 Sock Challenge. This month I’m knitting worsted weight boot socks in Raggi yarn. Gray and white marled leg and foot, red cuff and toe. I’ve nearly got one sock finished and will have to attach sock #2 as soon as #1 is finished. These will be super warm socks and they’re so cute!

I’ve also chosen to participate in the Confident Knitting year-long program hosted by Jen Arnall-Culliford. I also chose to splurge and purchase their yarns – typically not yarns we carry at the yarn shop where I work here in Maine. It’s a great chance to taste yarns that I may otherwise not get a chance to work with. AND they had a cool pink project bag!

I’ve started the March project, Flux Handwarmers by Martina Behm. The techniques learned this month are crochet provisional cast on and a folded edge. I chose to do a picot edge which is so cute! This month’s yarn is the springtime colorway of a Crazy Zauberball. These mitts will be a nice weight and they’ll be so cheerful. I’ve participated in A Year of Techniques and Boost Your Knitting for the two previous years and I learned a lot. I’m sure I’ll learn some new tricks this year, too! What I love about these programs is that there are detailed tutorials on all of the techniques and even when I already know one, I can find something to learn (or it just hammers it into my head.)

  • Flux Mitts
  • My sweetest Lola
  • A little embroidery
  • Two Tams
  • Tarte Tatin
  • Puzzling

I’ve been spending a lot of time “worrying” about my sweet Lola. She’s not eating well and her hind legs are unstable. She sleeps most of the day but she still finds a tail wag or two to gift me with every day. For months I’ve been looking at the little kit that I bought when I was out shopping pre-pandemic. The little felt mitten has a bee on it and I couldn’t resist. This will eventually live on our Christmas tree but until Christmas, it’ll likely live on my desk lamp!

I finished two black tams for a customer and they’ve been delivered to the store for her to pick up. She wants two more navy blue ones. It’s sweet of her to ask me. I made a tarte tatin over the weekend. It was delicious! A few apples, some sugar, butter and a home made crust and it was dessert for two for several days. Yummy!

We’ve been spending lots of time doing puzzles. My hubby gave me a really difficult puzzle for Christmas and we stuck to it and finished it … and he ordered another one for Valentine’s day which we’re working on at the dining room table. Luckily, there are only the two of us so we only need one end of the table for eating (although we generally eat up in my studio and watch the news.)

Gone knitting!

Broken Hearted

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Last week I lost one of the loves of my life. My little dog, Boq, died on Friday.

Wicked’s Munchkin Boq (aka Boogie Man, Pee-Pee Boy, Brother, Booger, Sweet Boy)

I got home from work on Thursday to a mess on the living room floor and Lola walking back and forth through it. Suffice it to say, I was confused and getting upset because my husband didn’t answer my calls … yells … screams … I was afraid. Afraid for my husband, first, and then realizing that his truck was missing, afraid for Boq. And as that realization dawned, I found my sweet husband and a towel-wrapped bundle coming into the house. He had saved Boq, who’d had a seizure, was in shock and his little body was shutting down. He had rushed Boogie to the vet where, with a little warming and some IV fluids, he “pinked up” and was sent home. But the next day it was clear that he was not ok and the vet report was not encouraging. They found a tumor the size of a navel orange on his liver. The tumor was taking up 60% of his abdomen and he was showing signs of serious discomfort. It was clear that he was at life’s end at almost 15 (105 in dog years.)

After talking with my sister-in-law (she and my brother owns a veterinary hospital and have such amazing wisdom) and my kids we made the difficult decision to help him leave us so he wouldn’t suffer. We are so grateful that our veterinarian here allowed us to be with Boq as they helped him go. It was so peaceful and it was so sad. He is no longer suffering but our hearts are broken.

He was the sweetest, best boy. He was never house trained, we were. He was always a little bit “off” and kept us eternally amused. He sat facing the back seat of the car, he kept trying to dig his way back to China or wherever his ancestors came from. He was a wonderful paper shredder, a snuggly bug, a chill dude. I miss him so much.

Rest in peace, sweet boy. We will never ever forget you.

Judge Not Lest Ye be Judged

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Yesterday we left campus.

We packed up the three dogs and our lunch and breakfast and snacks and water and coffee and drove my little Lola to the doctor. We filled up in Maine, stretched in the rest stop in Maine. We drove to my brother’s veterinary hospital so that he could tell me what was going on with my little girl.

Lola is typically around 9 pounds. Today she was just over 7. That’s a lot of weight loss for a little dog. She’s not been eating well, despite my urging, for months. Now that I have been home in isolation, I have been able to focus on her food and water intake and have been very worried. I’ve cried more than once with her in my arms believing that she was going to die. I was concerned enough to call my brother, a veterinarian in Massachusetts, to ask what I should do. His advice was to bring her in. Yesterday we did.

She was poked and prodded, x-rayed, sonogrammed, given a shot of antibiotics and an anti-inflamatory steroid shot. She was sent home with a couple of medicines. Nothing is visibly wrong, per se, but the x-rays will be read by a specialist. She has a dark spot on her spleen but my brother doesn’t think it’s a problem. I feel better but not yet settled. We will see what happens over the next couple of days. Lasts night, she ate her dinner. This morning she ate breakfast AND drank out of the water dish … she hasn’t done that for sure for at least ten days!

I was very afraid to go out. I have been in isolation for two weeks. I know I don’t have Corona virus. I was concerned about filling up my gas tank, where I would go to use a rest room, crossing paths with people. I needn’t have been worried because we didn’t cross any paths! I didn’t even hug my brother. We ate our picnic lunch in the car in the vet hospital parking lot and when Lola was done, we got in the car and drove home. We were all happy to get home and have a drink: The two-leggers among us in particular.

There’s no place like home!

Gone knitting!

The Risk of Loving & the Rainbow Bridge

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I heard or read somewhere in recent weeks that the risk of loving is loss. Until today, this didn’t really “hit” me.

Today, hearing that a friend’s beloved pet was sent over the rainbow bridge, it is hitting me. And I’m remembering the deep grief that my family has experienced with the loss of a beloved pet. Sam, Nouk, Kelly, Tasha, Lille, Max … all critters who lived with me and were such a big part of my family at one time or another. Who wagged their tail or sat on my lap or went for a walk in the woods with me. Fur family.

My Fur Babies & My Guy

My Fur Babies & My Guy

Loving is being willing to take a risk. A risk that we can give a piece of ourselves to another being and be embraced and accepted as we are. It’s humbling and makes us very vulnerable when we let a person or a pet have a piece of our heart. The honeymoon phase of love is that new, wondrous, can’t get enough of it which then grows, if we’re lucky, to the place where we can trust and depend on the love to be there for us when we need it. And when we don’t need it. And in return, we show up for them, too. Protection from danger, a comfort when we don’t feel well, sharing in life’s experience both good and not so good.

Pets are so special in that they ask very little in return for the love they lavish on us. They don’t judge us when we don’t feel like taking a shower or getting out of bed. They still love us when we get angry at them because WE forgot to get them outside before they made a mistake. They’re happy to see us when we get home, greeting us at the door, tails wagging. They’re excited about the same old kibble every time we give it to them (in our house, twice daily). They become an essential part of our days and nights.

So, when a pet dies, we experience a deep sense of loss. Perhaps a deeper loss than when we lose human friends. Because who else but our pet can truly love unconditionally? And we can feel it.

Lola, Max and Boq

Lola, Max and Boq

I swore, after Lille died, that I’d never have another dog. It was too heartbreaking. But years later, Lola & Boq entered my life and I’ve made them promise that they’ll never die. And while, on some level, I know that’s not possible, it makes me feel better for now. We’ve started to heal from the loss of Max and have invited Monk to live with us in our family. I’m sure I’ll make him promise, too. For today, he’s lucky he’s cute … because he’s so much puppy in a big brown body!

I’ve shed a few tears today for Pokey and for all the humans who loved him. I know he’s romping free of pain on the other side of the rainbow bridge. While the people who loved him mourn his loss with aching hearts.

The risk of love is loss. It’s hitting me today.

Gone knitting.

Rainbow-Bridge-Poem