I wish it was different.
I’ve noticed, lately, that I don’t feel safe walking in my neighborhood. I have never noticed that feeling before (that I can remember, anyway!) When I really take the time to think about it, there are some good reasons for the feelings and I have realized that I can make certain choices to face the feelings and work to change my thinking OR I can choose to live in fear and nothing will change … at least not in any reasonable time-frame.
In my relationships, I can clearly and calmly talk about my feelings and my thoughts about them. I have lived in a relationship that was seriously flawed, built on deception, and that will not be acceptable in my life in any other relationship at any time. I’ve found out a lot about who my real friends are in the last few years and it’s been hurtful but I’ve also learned a lot. Friends who I can’t lean on in the tough times, those who have abandoned me at the most difficult hour are not deserving of my friendship. Period. Now that I’ve done some healing post-divorce, I am more clear about that than ever before and each friendship is examined periodically to make sure that it’s still “working” for me.
In my working world, I’ve been dragging my feet to commit to one thing or the other. While applying for jobs all over the country, I’ve decided to commit to myself. I love my knitting and teaching knitting and I have to figure out how to turn that into a small profitable business for me until my physical yarn/knitting shop opportunity opens itself to me.
My brother, a California retirement advisor & investment genius (not that I’m partial or proud) tells me that I am in pretty good shape financially and so I have to trust that the universe will take care of me and act “as if” it is all falling into place. So, I will start searching for people who want to learn to knit individually and in small groups! I’ve also started my facebook page, Knitting Lessons. Proof that I am moving forward with my passion and expecting something wonderful to happen!
So, I am choosing to set walk into and through my fear. Trusting that the universe will provide for me and willing to take the steps to do whatever it takes! I’ll be rinsing my rice and eating no more than two servings a week. I’ll be watching less TV news. I’ll be making a gratitude list and acknowledging my blessings every day. Look out world, here I come!