Tag Archives: moving forward

I need a Lesson in Forgiveness

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How do you forgive?

I know it’s not good or healthy for me to harbor anger and resentment and I’ve been working to release those feelings but they’re sometimes still hanging on and hanging in. I resent those people who have intentionally hurt me, who tell people things that are not true. Whose behavior hurts the people that I love. On some level, it’s funny to think that someone is so nasty and biting and has these preconceived notions about who I am without ever having gotten to know me. Someone who makes me the scapegoat in the failure of a marriage in order to be blameless themselves. Especially when the marriage was based on lies and secrets rather than love. Someone who blames me for the disintegration of their stability and their financial ruin and won’t be happy until I am broke too, perhaps?

I’m ready to move on. To move forward. To live with an eye looking forward and not back. Certainly not with regrets. I’ve done the best that I knew how every day. I’ve been honest with myself and others. I’ve been generous and given without strings.

So, tell me … how do you forgive?

Looking at the Open Door

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I’m ready to start a new life. Not really a new, new life. Just a new one. While I know that this is somewhat confusing to all of you, I know exactly what I’m talking about. I am ready to stop revisiting the old stuff. I’m ready to forgive and forget and move on. I want to be surrounded in positive, healthy and forward-looking.

What’s done is done. My old life is old. It will never be the same again. I can’t go back there. My life has been forever changed by this divorce and everything that I believed to be true was proved false by a cheating (now ex-) husband. But he didn’t just lie to me and our kids; he lied to himself and he has to live with that for the rest of his life. I can forgive him and move on knowing that I did everything I could to make our marriage work. I did everything I could to make the process of separating and divorcing be fair and kind. I hoped to be able to have a friendship (of sorts) because we will forever be connected by our children. He doesn’t know how to play fair and won’t take responsibility for his behavior then or now and, again, he will have to live with the consequences of his choices.

I am working to be forward thinking. Today. Tomorrow. And for each day thereafter. I am so fortunate to have a roof over my head and food in my belly. I have three healthy kids and two darling puppies, wonderful siblings, friends, and a man who loves me. I’m counting my blessings even as my ex is trying to undermine my positive attitude. He sucked me back into his whirling dervish tornado of abuse and sick thinking for a brief time today and I allowed it. But I’m back on track tonight and next time (if there is one) I will do even better at keeping my pledge.

I have a good feeling about 2012! I’ve turned around and I’m looking at the open door!

Gone knitting (after a bit of sleep!)