This morning I made “Fire Cider” or “Master Tonic” from scratch. I even made it from memory (which may not be a good thing.) I saw the recipe on a Youtube channel that I follow and found the vlog about it here.
I had ordered all of the ingredients from the grocery store (believe it or not!) and so today I just had to process all the ingredients and put them in my jars to “stew”! In a few weeks, this will be strained, and I’ll add a bunch of local honey to make it (even a little bit) palatable. This stuff is rough to swallow, I’ll be honest, but this winter is bound to be a doozy!
Sometimes people disappoint you. Sometimes you disappoint people. I was asked today what it was that I would never forgive myself for … and when I answered, I found myself in tears. I always know that when the tears come, I’ve hit a truth. But the good news is that I am healing. After a long marriage to a man who bullied me (as my father did), I am healing. That feels so good. I’m starting to come into my own.
I’ve always felt that I am a strong woman. That I’m capable. That I’m a good mother and partner. I am a good sister, daughter, friend. But I’ve looked to others for confirmation. No longer. I do need to know that I can provide for myself … I can earn a living and don’t have to be dependent on anybody else for my support. It may be a choice but it’s not my “lot in life”.
Not again. Never again.
I will not be bullied. I will not be defined by others. My opinion matters and I need not look to others for my value. I am enough. I am worthy of great things. I am loveable, strong, important. Everything is going to be alright. The time is now. The best is yet to come!