I Love My Job … and I get SO sad.

My bosses had me in tears yesterday.

My heart is so sad for our kids. Divorce really hurts the children. So few of us divorce well. Being used as pawns to injure their other parent, being shuffled from one house to another and, often, coming home to an empty house. Parents who have “no time” and “have to work” and think nothing of telling this to their children. Every day there’s another story to listen to (and I know they’re one side of the whole story). Every day there’s another child to “worry” about.

We had a fourth or fifth grader this week who is behaving badly on the bus. His mom won’t get out of the car to talk to the bus driver because she “works” and “has meetings” … blah! blah! What this translates to, is that she doesn’t have time to help her child. She’s telling him that, at least. And he’s an angry boy. He “doesn’t care” but cries when confronted about his behavior. He’s just a little boy. He needs to know that he’s loved and valued. His parents are the most important people in his life.

I had a third-grade girl in the clinic for quite a while this week. She obviously didn’t feel well (kids get this look around their eyes) but she so wanted to talk. She and her classmate were chatting as I knitted. She said her mom is an alcoholic who isn’t working (sits on the couch all day but makes a killer lasagna) but stays out late with her motorcycle friends. They’ve moved in with her grandparents. Her aunt and cousins have, too. She’s often awakened in the middle of the night when they come in. When I called mom to see if she’d come pick her up, the angry, clipped response was, “tell her to stop faking and go back to class.” My boss said that mom was an active participant in her life three years ago but it seems that she’s just given up.

I know I can’t save the world but the boss saw me crying this week. I work every day to be a smile at the start and end of a child’s day. I hug them. I talk to them. I make eye contact. I find them food when they haven’t had breakfast and give them pep-talks. I give them permission to tell me what they would like to do – call home, rest for awhile. Most of them don’t have any idea what they want. I hope that I’m making a positive difference and teaching them that someone cares.

Sometimes it’s a heavy weight on my shoulders but I was “called” to be around young children. I missed having young children in my life. I love my job.

Gone knitting.

Knitting Interrupted

This work thing sure has cut my knitting time!

I used to knit for hours each day. Now I’m lucky to have a few minutes here and there throughout the day to even think about yarn. Today I actually took a break at lunchtime and knitted a 2-stitch i-cord for ears of a tiny bunny for my mentee. (Her request; an award for completing her goals!) I only have to give it eyes and a tail and it’s a gift that will be loved.

Sleeves to frog and re-knit (wider to fit the arm holes), a back to re-knit because I must have been “on something” when I changed balls of yarn smack dab in the middle of the back at mid-shoulder height.

Tunic to finish (ha! Maybe by winter!)

Socks for the youngest brother’s 50th birthday – after I replace the chewed needles.

So much knitting … so little time.

Gone knitting!

Not Knitting but Grateful

My new school - teaching on a beautiful day!

My new school – teaching on a beautiful day!

Well, I’ve once again joined the working world with a temporary job outside of my home.

While I am enjoying working with children in the elementary school environment, I am noticing that I am not knitting enough to feed my passion and art. Partly because at the end of the day I am pretty tired and partly because I still have all my work at the house to do, too. And my little dogs (and now our new big dog) have missed me and need some of my undivided attention … as does their “father”!

I have a pair of socks for my nearly 50 year-old brother on the needles. I reverted to my favorite (go to) sock pattern and have had some lovely green (with a hint of blue) yarn that I bought for exactly this reason last summer. His favorite color is green and this yarn by Plymouth Yarn Co. called “Happy Feet” is a superwash Merino and with my brother’s feet, I bought three skeins (he wears a size 14 shoe!)

Seacolors Yarn

Seacolors Yarn … 

I have deconstructed the sleeve on my Boxy Cardigan that I started last summer with my Maine wool from Sea Colors Yarns. The pattern was pretty straight forward but someone clearly forgot to have the sweater test knitted – the sleeves are at least two inches too narrow to fit into the shoulder. (You do get what you pay for! This was a free pattern. Lesson learned!) I will unknit them and then add more increases to make up for the two inches and see how that works. I hope I don’t have to start over from scratch because I don’t like it – and I spent a lot of money on the wool and want to love the garment that it becomes!

Dropps Tunic (Pattern #111-21) in Berroco Pure Pima (color 2243)

Dropps Tunic (Pattern #111-21) in Berroco Pure Pima (color 2243)

I still have my Pima Cotton tank on the needles. The back is done and the front is getting close but, honestly, I haven’t worked on it much at all! It’s really time to focus on this garment as we’re getting ready for that sleeveless shirt season!

I have several ideas that I want to knit when I’ve wrapped up a few of my WIPs … a tea cozy by the Queen of Tea Cozies, Loani Prior … it’s the daffodil one. We don’t have daffodils here in Florida and I miss them. A Stash Buster Shawl and I have yarn for a sweater and hat for my niece. I also want to knit myself a Wonderful Wallaby! It would be perfect for those cool (or even cold) evenings in Maine this summer.

I’m so grateful to be working with these great kids who really need the extra support to bring them up to grade level by the end of the year. I love the teachers that I’m working with and I am blessed to have the opportunity to work close enough to my home that I can (well, I could) walk to work. And since it’s temporary, I am hoping to pick up the needles more when I get to Maine after school ends.

Gone knitting!

Jane Fonda On Being Perfect vs. Whole

Almost every day I try to take a little time to “wander around” on the Internet. The World Wide Web. It’s amazing how much time I can spend going from site to site without a clue about where I’ll land. And I love how much I learn! This morning, I started on email and then Facebook and then somehow got to Pinterest and then to OWN (Oprah’s new foray) where I found this video “Masterclass” by Jane Fonda that really resonated with me – being raised to value what others thought about how and who I should be.

http://www.oprah.com/common/omplayer_embed.html?article_id=35168

This started me thinking about myself (since I’m on a path to self-awareness and discovery) and I thought about a session that I had with my therapist yesterday in which she pointed out something that I had totally missed.

As I’ve chronicled here on this blog before, I have been “unemployed” in the real world, anyway, for two years. All the time I’ve been applying for jobs in our area here in Florida and have recently expanded my search to other areas around the country – places where I have some contact with friends or family so I don’t have to start all over again … well, at least I hope not. Anyway, I’ve, to date, been unsuccessful but remain hopeful.

The View from my Desk

Yesterday I was sharing that I had cleaned off my bulletin board and was going to make it a vision board (in so many terms) of what I wanted to have more of in my life. I had taken all of the clutter down and only left up a few things that I really liked … a bee postcard from my French daughter, a “Bee Happy” card from a Cincinnati friend, a “Please Knit Now” postcard my knitting teacher brought to our Maine group from England, a page from an old Rockwell book with our family crest, a note from a happy client, a great bee card that I found in Maine this past summer and another card from a co-worker in Ohio. I also have my lobster claw mitts and a couple of Dove chocolate wrappers – “Live your dreams” and “Do all things with love”.

My therapist was nearly laughing at me. “You’ve already done it,” she said. I was clueless. In essence, she told me that I had already put up things that were my vision – bees and knitting … that the universe is telling me to follow my passion with knitting and Queen Bee Knits and perhaps even suggesting that I should forego more job hunting and focus on what’s right in front of my face … Queen Bee Knits. I was in tears (happy tears, but tears none-the-less).

I have several ideas that I need to follow up on that should bring me some additional revenue streams and I have at least one idea for a book that I’d like to write. Perhaps that’s a good way for me to go … it’s terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. But if I can realize that nobody has to be perfect (as Jane did), then I am going to give it a try! I’m still searching for the “perfect” idea but I am so desiring the idea of being whole.

Gone knitting!