Queen Bee Knits

Knitting, Living, Loving, Baking, Tips, Tools and Idle Chatter

I Won’t Grow Up!

Posted on February 7, 2012 by Queen Bee Knits

I know that when Peter Pan sang that growing up song, he didn’t want to have to assume the responsibilities of adulthood. I will accept those, but I sure as can be don’t want to get old and grumpy and alone.

My parents both died too young. One from (presumably) a heart attack and the other from Alzheimer’s Disease (she was gone years before she died). My grandmother died all of a sudden and was happy and active until “her time” came. The other grandmother was really old (96) and was bedridden and ready to go.

N’s mother is struggling with (I’m not sure if it’s life or) death. She is miserable. She is lonely and bored but refuses to get out of her chair and her room. I’d be stir crazy too if I was in the same room 24/7! But when her caregivers or we ask to take her outside, does she say, “yes! sure.” Nope. Will she go to the dining room? Nope.

I want to be active and healthy and, maybe most important of all, happy! Kick me when I get to feeling sorry for myself, will you? I will grow up if I can do it without attacking my children and facing each day with dread!

Gone sitting.

Looking at the Open Door

Posted on January 12, 2012 by Queen Bee Knits

I’m ready to start a new life. Not really a new, new life. Just a new one. While I know that this is somewhat confusing to all of you, I know exactly what I’m talking about. I am ready to stop revisiting the old stuff. I’m ready to forgive and forget and move on. I want to be surrounded in positive, healthy and forward-looking.

What’s done is done. My old life is old. It will never be the same again. I can’t go back there. My life has been forever changed by this divorce and everything that I believed to be true was proved false by a cheating (now ex-) husband. But he didn’t just lie to me and our kids; he lied to himself and he has to live with that for the rest of his life. I can forgive him and move on knowing that I did everything I could to make our marriage work. I did everything I could to make the process of separating and divorcing be fair and kind. I hoped to be able to have a friendship (of sorts) because we will forever be connected by our children. He doesn’t know how to play fair and won’t take responsibility for his behavior then or now and, again, he will have to live with the consequences of his choices.

I am working to be forward thinking. Today. Tomorrow. And for each day thereafter. I am so fortunate to have a roof over my head and food in my belly. I have three healthy kids and two darling puppies, wonderful siblings, friends, and a man who loves me. I’m counting my blessings even as my ex is trying to undermine my positive attitude. He sucked me back into his whirling dervish tornado of abuse and sick thinking for a brief time today and I allowed it. But I’m back on track tonight and next time (if there is one) I will do even better at keeping my pledge.

I have a good feeling about 2012! I’ve turned around and I’m looking at the open door!

Gone knitting (after a bit of sleep!)

Thinking Ahead

Posted on December 27, 2011 by Queen Bee Knits

Happier 2012

I’m thinking ahead to the New Year. 2011 was a tough one – and it’s not over yet. I still have one thing to deal with … deals with the devil have a habit of spreading negativity and destruction in a very wide swath. I’m facing it, though, with grace.

The holidays were tough but 2011 hasn’t been all bad – I got to see all three kids in Maine this summer and the oldest one came back for more and brought her sweetie and dog for several days. I think those were the highlights of the year. My business has grown and I’m clearer about what I will (and won’t) accept in my life.

In 2012 I want to be happier. I want to continue to block out the negativity of others – even if it means cutting them out of my life. I want to eat clean food and feed clean food to my darling doggers. I will continue to find alternatives to having chemical cleaners in my home. I have to do something about these sore knees that don’t like to bend more than 90 degrees. I want to exercise more and drink less. I need to seek more abundance – not only monetary abundance but abundance of all good things … love, fun, travel, acceptance, health, family … and yarn! 😛

I’m working toward being a Master Knitter with the Knitting Guild and have signed up for classes with Annie Modesitt. I’d like to find a graduate level class in social work or counseling – only one for the time being. In lieu of that, maybe an Art History or pottery (wheel). I need to find some opportunities to get out and meet people – starting with volunteering at our local elementary school as a mentor (after the official training, of course!).

2012 is going to be a much better year! I can feel it!

Gone knitting.

I Believe …

Posted on December 22, 2011 by Queen Bee Knits

1992

I’m not a huge fan of Christmas. I’ve always liked Thanksgiving best.

Christmas was OK when my children were little … nothing like the excitement of Santa Claus early (very early) on Christmas morning … it’s believing in miracles that is so sweet with children.

Now, when my children are grown (and Christmas stuff is out before Halloween), … it’s way too commercial. People are all in a hurry and seem to forget that they’re not the only ones driving (there have been two fatal accidents close to here in the last week) or shopping or whatever-they’re-doing. I’m not sure if this is because of the season or the lack of people-contact that we have in our world today. We seem to have no realization that our actions can impact the life of someone else.

That being said, here are some things that I believe.

I believe that every house should have only one television … and maybe none at all but I realize that’s unrealistic. When we all are able to go to our own corners and watch whatever we want whenever we want, we learn selfishness. When we learn selfishness and then are rewarded with gifts galore, we learn entitlement. Selfishness and entitlement are not pretty when they combine.

I believe that we need to give something of ourselves away. By that I mean giving gifts (anonymous donations, hand-made and sent away, something from the heart) that we have absolutely no expectation of getting anything in return. This year I’ve knitted a hat for a baby in Maine as part of the Period of Purple Crying project. Nobody (well, maybe you who read this blog will know) even knows that I donated a hat. I hope the baby that wears that hat is warm and safe this Christmas. Nobody knows that I sent another had to a soldier … I’m hoping that soldier is coming home this Christmas. I’ve read about K-Mart shoppers having their layaway items paid for and Caribou Coffee orders paid for. This is great giving and just what the spirit of the season is all about – giving freely, no strings attached. When strings are attached, it’s not really a gift at all. It’s a bribe, a manipulation and nobody likes being manipulated.

I believe that we need to search our souls to find out what we believe. How we want to live our lives. How we want to be treated and, thus, how we will commit to treating others. The “golden rule” … “do unto others as you would have others do unto you” is not a bad way to live. We left our summer house clean with crisp air-dried sheets on the beds, floors swept, kitchen clean, fridge stocked. We leave hotel rooms with a tip for the maid (tips= “to insure proper service”) because we appreciate the clean sheets and towels. We leave the beaches and hiking trails with gathered from the surf and sand and woods trash. Left behind by selfish, thoughtless, litterers who didn’t think about how beautiful the woods were in Maine in July. Someone who couldn’t be bothered to carry his Coke can down the trail to the garbage can at the parking lot. (See paragraph 2 about selfishness and entitlement combining.)

1984

I believe that we can’t spoil a baby with love. Babies require copious amounts of holding and hugging and kissing and cooing. Require! And in order to be able to provide all that loving, we need to take care of ourselves. If that means spending 3 nights (in tears because I could feel their pain) listening to them cry themselves to sleep according to the doctor’s advice, then we all learned something. (By the way, those were three of the most difficult nights of my life. Three times.)

I believe in miracles (I found my big brother when I was 50), I believe in caring and compassion (I keep McDonald’s gift cards in my car to give to homeless people who might need a hot meal), I believe in volunteering and giving back. I believe in Karma … you get what you give.

I believe in therapy (mental health and yarn). It keeps my hands busy and my heart goes into every stitch. Knitting is therapeutic for me. While I knit a garment, I think about the person who will wear it. I think about the stitches and all else falls away.

This has been a good year full of learning for me. The bumps in the road remind me to value the smooth roads. The few illnesses have reminded me to appreciate health (mine and that of those I love). Short times together remind me that I love being with my family and that there’s never enough time spent together – and that’s such a good thing because it means we love each other and get along. I miss my parents, my grandmother, my children at Christmas – good, too, because it means we’ve had good times together and I desire there to be more. I am thrilled to be making a little bit of money doing what I love and look forward to doing more of it.

I’m moving forward. As unperfect (ha! autocorrect doesn’t like that word) I am, I am enough. I am consistently working to be a better person … learning more about myself, my world, my art, eating less (and exercising more), meeting people, creating true friendships, one step, one day, one moment at a time.

Gone baking …. hey, it is Christmas! 🙂

12 1/2 … do I hear 13?

Posted on December 11, 2011 by Queen Bee Knits

Thirteen is off the needles.

Twelve and thirteen need their ends woven in and fourteen is on the needles. Can I tell you how happy I will be to be able to return to knitting what I WANT to knit? Does that sound ungrateful? It’s not meant to be. I’m so grateful for the two orders which will put my income at a new level … above zero! Yay for me!

I really do love knitting and want to believe that there will be a door that opens up to me so that I can use my skills and make enough money to support myself … and my little dogs. I’d like to be able to help my kids when they need it too.

Right now the situation is a bit dicey … but I know this too shall pass and I will come out the other side a better person. I’ve decided always (to at least try to) take the high road. No gossip, no kvetching, no mean-spirited manipulation. I am choosing to behave as if … as if the world is my oyster. As if I am convinced that the universe will not let me be homeless and hungry. As if the next wonderful and fulfilling career is just around the corner. As if I’m not afraid. Or lonely.

I’m so grateful for the support of the universe and my brothers and sisters (I said before that I don’t like the sister-in-law title as it seems to hold my brother’s wives outside of the inside circle.) I am one lucky girl … healthy, a roof over my head, food in my stomach, yarn in my Atelier and three healthy children. I am grateful for N. who loves me even as I collapse into a puddle. He helps me up when I am ready and on we go.

So, I have two more pairs for the big fingerless mitten order. And then a pair of felted slippers to make for an Etsy customer. Life is good. I’m making money doing what I love and the universe will provide.

Gone knitting!

Fingerless Mitts Galore!

Posted on December 5, 2011 by Queen Bee Knits

Well, I can’t say that I have been knitting too much … such is the way the wind blows when I’m with my family.

But we did visit the Yarn Nook in Lafayette, LA a couple of days ago and, of course, I HAD to buy something. I settled (after making several circles around the shop … touching yarns and looking at samples and chatting with the ladies who work there) on a couple balls of Cascade Yarns 220 Superwash in two color ways … and I intend to make up a couple pairs of fingerless mittens as Christmas gifts (if there are enough hours to get my order done and then knit gifts, too!) My intention is to make the Commuter Fingerless Gloves from Knitty dot com. They’re fun because they’re a little bit different – they button up or roll down and button to cover up your chilly fingers.

Bought some really cool Malibrigo yarn to make a Bandana Cowl for the Queen Bee. Pattern is found on Ravelry or through the Purl Soho website (PurlSoho dot com) and is free, if my memory is accurate. I really like the yarn – it’s got a wonderful hand and the color way is so perfect for this Queen Bee – black and yellow and golds (among a few others!)

I also bought a new pattern for felted slippers. French Press Knits has a really cute pattern called French Press Felted Slippers … they look just like ballet flats with a strap and button. I’m eager to get rolling making something other than fingerless mittens … and I’m nearly there!

Meanwhile, I’m going to end this blogging and go back to playing with my Great Nephew … just for today!

Gone playing!

Philosophy of a Business

Posted on October 20, 2011 by Queen Bee Knits

We had dinner at a restaurant called Avatar in Sausalito. The owner, Ashok, is at first glance, a happy man. Sit at the “bar” at his restaurant and you’ll find out why he’s so happy – he’s a food scientist and psychologist who will make you the best food you’ll ever have in your life. “You’ll want to lick the plate,” he told me. (And I did – want to, that is!) Ashok loves what he does every day. He loves his life and business.

Every year on the day before Thanksgiving, Ashok opens his door to the community and feeds all the people who walk through the door – last year it was over 1,000 – for free. Wine, beer, food, all free. FREE! Last year my brother worked in his kitchen for the event and this year both he and his beautiful wife will be there.

I’ve always heard that if you want to receive, you have to give and the bounty that this good-hearted man receives is (in part) due to his participation in giving back to his community. Or, I would contend, he really gives to his community – daily! He’s giving of himself – tell him what you FEEL like eating and he’ll prepare you a delightful dish. He’ll also look you in the eye, shake your hand, smile at you and remember your name. He’s thankful that you’ve chosen to eat at Avatar.

Blessings – gone knitting.

Left Coast Living

Posted on October 19, 2011 by Queen Bee Knits

So, here I am on the “left coast” visiting with my brother Rick and his lovely (relatively new) wife and their four little dogs. It’s such fun to be with my family and to see where they live and to meet their friends. (I’ve even extended my stay already!)

I’ve had my first vegan food, spent a couple of days with my cousin and his family, feted my aunt (a bit prematurely) on her 70th birthday, had my second vegan meal and am feeling very happy to visit my brother and his lovely wife and their four shih tzus.

Cafe Gratitude in Healdsburg, CA is my new favorite place to eat. My son raved about it when he spent the summer out here with his uncle and now I know why – first hand. Yummy. Who knew that vegan food could be so yummy?

Visiting Dogville in San Anselmo

We have visited several great pet stores – and bought my littles a new harness and leash (Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday!) Had a spa day for the dogs and got a fun (and stylin’) new hair do and the fun’s not over yet.

We drove with six shih tzus from Healdsburg, CA to Lake Tahoe, NV without any growling. How do these little dogs know who belongs to the pack (and who doesn’t?)

Travel with Lola and Martin

Boq (front), Emma and Gus

We start every morning with tea (with some warm goat’s milk) and then head into town for a “muffin” and another cup of tea at the Flying Goat Cafe. They are currently renovating the space inside so the coffee shop has been moved to the alley outside under a tent. It’s really lovely sitting in the alley outside and might be a good permanent additions. Sitting on the sidewalk with six “matching” dogs is sure to attract a crowd – partly because the dogs are so cute and partly because it’s an unusual sight!

Tomorrow it’s off to the office for a couple of hours of work and then we’re headed into the city for the evening – manicures and pedicures are on the agenda for the ladies and business meetings for my brother. Guess we’ve got the better end of that deal!

Off to bed for some beauty sleep … another big day of fun is ahead!

Definitely not knitting!

California, Here I Come!

Posted on October 10, 2011 by Queen Bee Knits

I’m off to the Left Coast tomorrow with my little dogs in tow.

Can’t wait to spend a week (ish) with my brother and his lovely new(ish) bride, my newest sister and their four little dogs.

Meanwhile, my shawl is still on the needles and not quite half-way to the large size. Guess I’ll continue stitching away until it’s done – whether I can wear it to the 70th birthday party in Lake Tahoe on Saturday night or not.

I’m taking my two socks on one needle project … must. finish. this. project. I even separated the twins today. I definitely don’t like doing two at once, so I took one sock off and will finish it after the first is finished. So much simpler for me. (It helped that one sock had 67 stitches and the other had 71. Oops!

I will be taking my laptop but can’t guarantee that I’ll be blogging a lot.

See you on the flip side!

Gone knitting (is there a Mile High Club for knitters?)

Family Values – Valuing Family

Posted on October 6, 2011 by Queen Bee Knits

Most of the Family in Marblehead 2009

I know I’ve said this before … but I love my family!

N. and I have spent the last few days and nights visiting my youngest brother and his family in Marblehead, Massachusetts. If you have never visited Marblehead, it’s well worth a visit and I love being there all the time but the fall is a great time. Our visit was precipitated by my Aunt and Uncle from Lake Tahoe, NV who were in town for a couple of days on their annual New England “jaunt” and we decided to join the fun – and it was fun!

Happy Bee-day Aunt Judy!

We ate lobster (fresh-caught from my brother’s boat) and birthday cake – in honor of said aunt – did a lot of laughing, a lot of walking around town, and experienced a first – a school district RAIN delay on Monday morning. I woke up at 5 a.m. because of an odd flashing of light which I had attributed to my cell phone but it was lightning … and then turned into a frog-strangling rain with thunder and lightning. Roads were flooded and school was delayed for 2 hours! Although my youngest nephew wanted to remember another such delay (much to his parents’ chagrin), I don’t think there has ever been such an event. We even watched (from a waterside restaurant) a sailboat being hoisted out of the harbor for the winter.

Sailboat being lifted out of Marblehead Harbor

In Salem, MA there is the most wonderful museum called the Peabody Essex which we’ve visited on numerous occasions but a cold, formerly rainy Tuesday was good enough reason for another visit. I think I like this museum because it has something for everyone – and who would ever believe that Salem would be home to such a magnificent place. We visited only a couple of the galleries but I liked the Man Ray/ Lee Miller exhibit

source: http://blindflaneur.com/2011/08/20/partners-in-surrealism-lee-miller-and-man-ray/

My nephew, who was gifted by his mother with a “learning with Auntie Linda” day, said that all the eyes gave him the creeps. I appreciated being able to see and learn about a love story (though not necessarily a healthy or happy one) and the art that was created from it. I’d heard of Man Ray in a French History class that I took which included all sorts of wonderful media references to the period – what a great class and teacher that was!

Nephew at the end of the line ("Red Line" in Salem is the Heritage Trail)

We spent a lot of time in the interactive and child-friendly Ripple Effect exhibit which, considering the weather at the start of the day, seemed timely and appropriate. The kids were particularly at home in this exhibit and I hope they learned a couple of things. They also enjoyed an tiny area in the maritime history/nautical history section nearby where there was a display of ship’s journals … we tried to read the old script handwriting and then tried to interpret what the authors were talking about. It was great – and I could share with them that their grandfather, my father, also journaled about his experience on the seas in WWII. (One day I will scan and post his journals on my family history blog chronicling the Rockwell and Dow genealogy.)

It was a great few days and I always love being with my family!

(Don’t forget to plan your trip to Salem and Marblehead!)

Gone (to do the laundry and then) knitting!