Category Archives: Living

” I’ve Learned” by Omer B. Washington

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I stumbled upon this “poem” (?) on another blog because it was quoted by a friend on facebook … how technology has educated me! Anyway, it is long but it’s worth a good (conscious) read. I’ve added some of my thoughts in living color, of course!

I’ve Learned

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them. (And if they can’t love you, that’s their issue, it’s not about you/me)
I’ve learned that no matter how much I care,
some people just don’t care back.
I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust
and only seconds to destroy it. (Amen to that!)
I’ve learned that it’s not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts. (Life is too short to “waste” on people who don’t have my best interest at heart. I choose to be around healthy, productive, loving, honest people with whom I share something. I don’t have hundreds of good friends but I have a few – and that is good.)
I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you’d better know something.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself
to the best others can do,
but to the best you can do. (Comparing does no good, it always makes me feel badly.)
I’ve learned that it’s not what happens to people,
It’s what they do about it.
I’ve learned that no matter how thin you slice it,
there are always two sides.
I’ve learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you’ll see them. (Yup.)
I’ve learned that you can keep going
long after you think you can’t.

I’ve learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done
When it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.
I’ve learned that there are people who love you dearly,
but just don’t know how to show it. (I believe this was my father!)
I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.
I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love. (This is all about my college buddies … who’ve been my friends through thick and thin, married and divorced, happy and sad, sober and drunk. They’re the best gang of girls I could ever have as friends – and it’s been since we were 18!)
I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to
doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have. (I also believe that you can teach people how you want to be treated … if they want to change, they can! And don’t accept anything less that what you want!)

I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend is,
they’re going to hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.
I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. (Best way to heal and move forward but not easy!)
I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken,
the world doesn’t stop for your grief. (And we shouldn’t expect the world to stop for our broken hearts. It’s nice to have it acknowledged, and nice to acknowledge the grief of others … you may be the only one who’s thought to do it and it’s never a wasted effort!)
I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.
I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other.
And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do. (Fight fairly. Cruelty is not OK. Period.)
I’ve learned that sometimes you have to put the individual
ahead of their actions.
I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.
I’ve learned that no matter the consequences,
those who are honest with themselves go farther in life. (And oh, this is not easy! You have to eat a lot of humble pie when you’re honest with yourself.)
I’ve learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours
by people who don’t even know you. (OMG, this is so true. I found my full-blooded big brother at the age of 50 thanks to a perfect stranger. It was a true miracle!)
I’ve learned that even when you think you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help.

I’ve learned that writing,
as well as talking,
can ease emotional pains. (… and it helps me work through problems or issues in my own time and in my own way – which is the only way that I know how to do things. Someone else may do it differently and that’s what works for them. Doesn’t make my way better or worse – it’s just mine.)
I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life
are taken from you too soon.
I’ve learned that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice
and not hurting people’s feelings and standing up for what you believe.
I’ve learned to love
and be loved.
I’ve learned…

 

… and I’m still learning … actually, I work to learn something new almost every day. That’s the only way that  I can keep improving and keep moving. With a smile on my face, I choose to move forward with love in my heart (and my heart on my sleeve.)

Gone knitting!

 

Rainy Day Activities

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It’s another rainy day in New England and so we took a drive to Freeport where there was a “huge tent sale” advertised and as it was to support a foundation, we thought it was a good one to support. Well, not so much “huge” as “pretty big”. I was thinking yarn and needles and maybe even a spinning wheel (not that I would know what to do with it) or an armoire for the bathroom. Yeah, well, no. But we did buy a $10 canoe paddle (we don’t own a canoe).

While in Freeport, I had to stop for a couple of gifts at L. L. Bean and then while N. went to look at a used canoe … I got dropped off in Bath. Home to Halcyon Yarns. I’ve been there before and loved wandering the store. Halcyon has fiber and just about anything you can imagine for spinning, felting, weaving, knitting, crochet, etc. I have yet to leave the store without saying, “Someday, I want to learn to …” (weave, spin …) I loved a shrug-cowl-thingy that they had as a sample and if they’d had three or four skeins of the yarn in the bargain bin, I’d have bought that too … it’s from the book Cowl Girls which is loaded with cowls that I would love to knit (if I just had more hours in the day!)

Today, after a couple hours of browsing, I left with a big shopping bag full of yarn.

My Haul! 🙂

Cotton (on a cone!) for a vest in a really pretty khaki with a browny-green tint for moi! – and several other gift items that I want to make for birthdays and Christmas. (Yes, I’m already thinking ahead to Christmas!) A couple of pairs of worsted weight socks, alpaca fingerless gloves, mittens and a couple of patterns. The best part is that with the exception of the yarn for my vest and the aaforementioned pair of mittens that I’ve been wanting to knit (you’ve seen the Bella mittens from Ravelry?), all of the yarn was half price or just about half price. So, when the total was rung up, I was so excited! Such a deal!

All knitters know that this is an expensive habit. Today I celebrated clearance bins!

When we got just a little bit lost on the way back home, the second (or was it third?) dead end we came upon, we decided to stop to let the dogs out to do their business and saw a bird that I don’t think I’ve ever seen before … I consulted the bird book that lives in the car and found that it was a bobolink. They are really pretty little birds and we enjoyed watching a couple of males and a female fly around this lovely field that we “found”. Thanks for the photo to the Cornell Lab of Ornithology website … if you like birds, you’ll love this site!

After that, we decided to follow Ethel’s (our GPS) directions and we actually made it home.

Now, dear readers, I’m going to upload a couple of photos for you and then I’m outta here. New fiber means new knitting adventures!

Paris, here I come (I hope)

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So, it’s a long story but I’m entering a contest and I could win a trip to Paris for two! Yikes! How cool is that?!

Suffice it to say that I’d love to visit Paris. It’s been on my bucket list for ages and now that I have my first “grand baby” to visit over there, it’d be even more wonderful. Seeing Flo and Francois, Laure and Stan and darling little Olivia, Elise and her husband and Boston Terrier, meeting Marie France and Claire (finally) – O.M.G! It would be wonderful to win.

So, here’s the link if you’d like to win – Oh Happy Day Goes to Paris -I’m all about sharing the wealth (and if you win, you must take the Queen Bee!) Good luck!

My fingers are crossed. It’s going to be tough knitting today! 🙂

 

On Losing One’s Self

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I’m reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s book, Committed. If you’ve ever been married, are married or are thinking about getting married one day, it’s a good read and may teach you a thing or two about the institution of marriage. Ultimately, her story has a happy ending …

Click on the Amazon "ad" to the right if you'd like to purchase this book!

Gilbert’s first marriage ended, suffice it to say, in a flaming ball of fire. And upon falling in love a second time, she was skeptical about entering into another marriage. I can get this! Having “failed” once, who wants to go running back for more? I don’t care how much one loves somebody, it’s a frightening concept to try again at something that didn’t work the first time.

Some of Gilbert’s research is interesting and I hadn’t realized that men benefit more from being married than women do (although it makes sense.) Apparently men are happier, healthier and more financially stable when they are married. Women, however, don’t benefit nearly as well. Income is likely to drop by seven percent for married women. They are more likely to suffer from depression and die in a catastrophic accident. Maybe because most married women are so stretched … working, caring for a husband, children and home is a lot of work and the book says that most men don’t share equally in the household or child-rearing responsibilities. It is also said that women who wait to get married until they’re more established are more likely to be happier when they’re married. So, having read most of this quick read, my advice to women is WAIT!

I was a “baby” when I got married at twenty-two and had my first child when I was twenty-six. I absolutely agree with Gilbert that you can lose yourself in marriage. Especially when there are children. I have been reclaiming myself for the last few years. I’m not saying that I have regrets because being able to stay at home and parent my three kids was a blast. I really enjoyed it and I was (and am) a good parent. Anyway, I loved volunteering in my community and we had a great neighborhood babysitting co-op when the kids were little so I had a great support system. My children became my life and I let myself slip to the back of the line. Everyone else’s needs came first (partly because they were more vocal, I think) and I didn’t understand the premise that if you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t care for everyone else. Needless to say, when my youngest went off to school, my world came crashing down in a horrible bout of depression that put me in bed for nearly six weeks. It was debilitating and frightening and there were times when I truly believed that I was going to die. One of my doctors wanted to do a spinal tap and that’s what sent me to a new doc who diagnosed my with depression and put  me on medication and, sure enough, after a couple of weeks I was able to get myself out of bed and out into the sunshine and back into life. It was the start of me taking time for myself and investing in myself – I started walking regularly and seeing a great therapist (or three) who have helped guide me to knowing myself.

I’ve been extremely fortunate to be able to get off the meds and haven’t had a relapse in years. I used to have a bit of a “down turn” at the end of summer when the kids went back to school. No dancing in the aisles at Staples for me! I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and can get upset, don’t get me wrong. I’ve spent several days at a time in my house/apartment/condo when my mother died and I was grieving. I did the same several months later when we buried her. The good news is that I know where to go when I need to get help and I now have the tools that I need to get myself back “on track”. I’m a lot happier when I remember to do something for me … and my knitting feeds that piece!

And now, I find myself in love with a man who (I think) would like to get married again. Some days I feel like that would be wonderful and some days not so much. Isn’t living together enough? So, I continue to invest in myself and follow my heart …

Rock-a-bye Baby

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I had the honor of rocking a baby to sleep yesterday.

I was in “hog heaven” as N. put it. “La Boulette” was having trouble staying asleep whether from being in a different place, adjusting to a different time zone, new teeth, or something else. He was pooped. When his parents went upstairs to have a nap, I got the baby all to myself and when he picked up his bottle I nabbed his little body and sat with him on my lap in the rocking chair …

My Gram was the only one I’ve ever known who had the heart, the patience and the calm to rock a baby for just as long as the baby wanted or needed. She could rock my first baby – who wouldn’t sit for anything or anyone and was constantly on the go. But she would sit with Gram in her easy chair and rock until the cows came home. Gram would just hum a little song or simply respond to K’s chatter and K would pass from bright-eyed to sleepy-eyed to gonzo. Gram was the one who, despite not having a “pot to piss in”, would buy you the sun and the moon if you asked her. But you didn’t need to ask. Just knowing that you were loved made it unnecessary. She was always my biggest cheerleader! I’m so grateful that I had her in my life.

So “la boulette” and I rocked for an hour or so. Kissed his silky soft hair, smelled his baby skin. I’m not sure that there’s anything more wonderful. He slept and I remembered my Gram. It was a wonderful day!

On Doing the Right Thing

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I just finished reading another wonderful Jodi Picoult (I just learned that you pronounce it “peek-o”) novel entitled, Sing You Home. I am a total Jodi Picoult fan and have read most if not all of her books. I’d say this one appealed to me a lot and parallels my life in several ways.

I was married for nearly 27 years to a man who I thought was my partner for life. About 9 years ago I uncovered an affair which was devastating. We separated because he didn’t want to give up the person he was having the affair with. A year later, he decided he wanted the marriage and said that he’d ended the other relationship but I found out differently and made the decision to divorce in late 2006.

At about the same time, my first love and I reconnected – he found me on the Internet (go figure!) Anyway, after several months of emails, phone calls and visits, I decided to move to Florida (ancient history now) and found part-time work while I finished my college degree. And then the bottom of the American economy fell out. I’ve become a “long term unemployed” who is making the best of life by building a business that I hope will sustain me in the near future!

Divorce is a strange experience. I never (ever, in a million years) thought I would be divorced. We find ourselves in odd situations for the benefit of the children. Being divorced is not easy. In many ways we’re still a family but everything has changed. Negotiations abound. Recently, my ex has decided to renig on an agreement and stopped paying our daughter’s college loan. Somehow, in the divorce, this loan became my responsibility despite the fact that I had always said that we’d help with the repayment of loans if we were able. Anyway, I’d be delighted to pay the loan if my situation were different. I fully never expected to be unable to find adequate employment for such a long time. I have trouble understanding why, with no warning, no phone call, no text, no nothing, he simply stopped paying the loan. By the time the collection calls began, the loan was more than 30 days late and a week until the next payment was due. And at the end of April we sat across the table celebrating our son’s 21st birthday and he never said a word.

While we were married and the children were young, he had a period of unemployment and I used my “inheritance” to support our family. I didn’t think twice about it, I didn’t ask for anything in return. I did it because it was the right thing to do. “My” money provided us with a down-payment on our first home, renovated another home we purchased and then sold for the mortgage the first time he became unemployed, and provided another down-payment on our home in Ohio when he found employment again. “My” money. “Earned” after the loss of my father. But given openly and freely to help our family. Now that the tide has turned, I’m unemployed, and he’s got an inheritance that could help with this loan if he so chose. Rather, it appears that he is choosing to hurt me. I’m not sure if his intent is to destroy my relationship with my daughter or to ruin me financially – why else would he not have told me that he was going to stop the payments? What he doesn’t seem to see is that he is also hurting our daughter in the process. I am at a loss … Five years later, is he still so bitter that I left the marriage (not like there was a choice when he couldn’t be faithful) that he wants to see me miserable? His parents left everything to him and asked him to “take care of the kids” and his nieces, too. They would want him to take care of their granddaughter. They valued family (at least their “blood”) and I believe that his father, in particular, would be most ashamed of this self-centered behavior.

All of this circles back to the book … don’t worry, I’m getting there. I don’t want to give away the end of the story but suffice it to say that you won’t be able to put it down. Picoult is a phenomenal word smith and addresses what may be her most controversial subject yet, gay rights with a bit of evangelical religion thrown in. Her character development is outstanding and I always find myself caring for the characters in her books … even if I don’t always agree with them. I think Picoult handles this issue with dignity and honesty.

The world we live in is not a perfect place but the choices that people make every day can make it better. Kinder. More caring. I can’t help but believe that we feel better about ourselves when we behave in a caring way toward others … when we do the right thing. I hope my ex will help his daughter and will work with us to find a solution that will be a “win” for each of us. Dealing with issues with an open heart can make the world a better place and allow families grow and heal.

Three Hours and Counting …

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T minus three hours and counting …

We’re getting ready for another trip and I’ll be happy when all the stuff is in the truck and off. Atlanta tonight and dinner with a great pal, my old college roomie who always has room for us – even with three dogs (and one who’s crazy! I know it’s not his fault, he’s really sick but it sure looks on the outside like he’s kooky!) Since we’re going north, I have to think about wearing warm clothes because it’s nowhere near as summery there as it is here. Hopefully it’s warm enough that we can turn on the water and not have the pipes freeze (and I don’t have to use the outhouse!)

Life’s sure an adventure! I’m really lucky to be able to travel and blog and knit for a living … let’s hope my new designs are a big success and I can keep this up (and add a little bit of income to the picture!)

Gone knitting!

All My Bags Are NOT Packed

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Peter, Paul and Mary had it all … and they must have had some help if they always had their bags packed. I am not ready and here I sit at my desk, blogging away!

This little Yankee can’t waste a couple of rotting bananas so I had to bake some gluten-free banana blueberry muffins this morning. Killed two birds with one stone because I also used up the fresh Florida blueberries from Costco! And then I decided that a batch of “Mom’s Best” Granola was in order for the boy who’s turning 21 on Wednesday. His big gift will arrive on it’s own. I feel so lucky that we’re able to travel and that I can spend a couple hours with my “baby” on his special day.

All these years later, I’ve got some serious regrets that I didn’t wait until he was out of high school before I left Cincinnati. It would have only been a year … of course at the time, my head was reeling, my heart was wounded (and I was sure it was beyond repair) and I had this wonderful man who wanted me with him … or at least in the same town. I also thought that his father would “step up” and take the parenting seriously (since he hadn’t done too much of it when I was there). Not so much. What nobody realized – not me, not his/our therapist – was how much he was drinking and what a mess he really was. He could barely care for himself after my departure and he certainly didn’t do a great job of taking care of my son. I would never have left if I’d realized how poorly cared for my son would be – and that he was going to have to depend on friends on a regular basis. Neither did I realize how hurt he’d be when I left. I knew him as an independent kid who was seldom home. I was alone all the time in that big old house. Housing choices were not plentiful and it was expensive. But, today, looking back with my 20/20 hindsight vision, it would have been a good choice to stay for my son’s sake.

Over the course of the past four years, he’s graduated from high school, successfully completed (nearly) three years of an extremely competitive and demanding college curriculum and learned to brew beer in his apartment, cook like a professional chef, and dress to the nines. I’m really proud of the young man that he’s becoming and I hope he’s proud of himself.

I’m trying to do whatever it takes to rebuild a relationship with my boy. I love him more than life itself and I wish I could go back and un-do what I did. Sadly, it’s done and now I can only try to show him how much he means to me … even if it means spending an extra day or two in the car on an already long trip so I can have dinner with him on his 21st birthday. Happy Birthday (almost) Boy!

Della Q Contest …

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I love the little contests that are on different blogs. The one that I just entered is on the Webs blog and also on the Della Q blog. The prize is a Della Q circular needle case. It’s lovely and would make a great birthday present for my lovely … WAIT! I’m not telling, because maybe she reads my blog.

Anyway… thanks Webs and Della Q … if you’re a knitter and haven’t “found” these sites, you’re missing some really good knitting stuff! I adore my Della Q circs case that my lovely sister, Kathy, gave me!

Since someone didn’t remember to give me the winning ticket for the Florida Powerball lottery last week when it was over $125 million, maybe I’ll get lucky and win the case!

I’m crossing my fingers … well, I may be crossing my toes because it’s mighty difficult to knit with crossed fingers!

Gone knitting! 🙂

Guilty Pleasures

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What you may not know is that I love watching a couple of shows on TV. Since we cut off the cable, it’s been a bit more challenging but it’s not impossible!

Most of the time, I watch Grey’s Anatomy on hulu or ABC.com after it’s been aired. Most of the time, I don’t really “care” whether I watch it on time or later but tonight I do care! It’s the final night of the Bachelor … Jake’s second time around. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I always start off laughing at the whole process and then somewhere in there I start to like the bachelor (or bachelorette) and a few of the girls (or guys).  SO …

Tonight I’m hunting for a website where I can watch TV “live” (LOL! I just mis-typed that last word and it was “love” rather than “live” … Freudian slip of the fingers?) Anyway … since I know that it will be all over the internet and facebook tomorrow morning, that means that it’ll be wrecked for me (even if I think I know who’s going to win!)

JustTVnuts.com seems to have a streaming of ABC … I’m crossing my fingers and planning to have a lovely little martini to celebrate Jake’s engagement to … to be continued!

Bachelor and Emily