Tag Archives: love

Love and Marriage

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A few years ago!

I just spent a wonderful two weeks with my brother in California. It was the most time we’ve spent together in years – perhaps decades … or since before I was married … or … well, you’ve got the idea. It’s been a long, long time. And it was wonderful!

One night in Lake Tahoe we were all in the bathroom brushing our teeth – how could such a simple activity be so sweet? He and his wife and I all in the bathroom brushing our teeth … but I’ll bet we didn’t even do that as kids. I love his wife, my new sister. She’s wise and smart and beautiful. She can swim the lake, sing, bake, drive a tractor and makes the best EVOO ever! I love hanging with her! My brother may have waited a long time to get married but it was worth the wait – he “snagged” a good one!

Since they are a “one car family” (technically, they’re still a two car family until the truck is sold – anybody want a really nice 2010 Toyota truck?) we spent a lot of time all together or two-at-a-time and it was such a great opportunity to connect on a deeper level and really share. Time, thoughts, beliefs, laughs, food (mostly vegan except for a sausage or two), dogs, poop bags, a few tears, and did I mention laughs?

I am so grateful to have been able to get out to California and can’t wait to go back.

Gone back to bed – too cold in the house without a fire! I’ll be knitting again soon! Must pack up for the move back to Florida which begins on Saturday! I think we’re ready.

 

 

On Losing One’s Self

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I’m reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s book, Committed. If you’ve ever been married, are married or are thinking about getting married one day, it’s a good read and may teach you a thing or two about the institution of marriage. Ultimately, her story has a happy ending …

Click on the Amazon "ad" to the right if you'd like to purchase this book!

Gilbert’s first marriage ended, suffice it to say, in a flaming ball of fire. And upon falling in love a second time, she was skeptical about entering into another marriage. I can get this! Having “failed” once, who wants to go running back for more? I don’t care how much one loves somebody, it’s a frightening concept to try again at something that didn’t work the first time.

Some of Gilbert’s research is interesting and I hadn’t realized that men benefit more from being married than women do (although it makes sense.) Apparently men are happier, healthier and more financially stable when they are married. Women, however, don’t benefit nearly as well. Income is likely to drop by seven percent for married women. They are more likely to suffer from depression and die in a catastrophic accident. Maybe because most married women are so stretched … working, caring for a husband, children and home is a lot of work and the book says that most men don’t share equally in the household or child-rearing responsibilities. It is also said that women who wait to get married until they’re more established are more likely to be happier when they’re married. So, having read most of this quick read, my advice to women is WAIT!

I was a “baby” when I got married at twenty-two and had my first child when I was twenty-six. I absolutely agree with Gilbert that you can lose yourself in marriage. Especially when there are children. I have been reclaiming myself for the last few years. I’m not saying that I have regrets because being able to stay at home and parent my three kids was a blast. I really enjoyed it and I was (and am) a good parent. Anyway, I loved volunteering in my community and we had a great neighborhood babysitting co-op when the kids were little so I had a great support system. My children became my life and I let myself slip to the back of the line. Everyone else’s needs came first (partly because they were more vocal, I think) and I didn’t understand the premise that if you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t care for everyone else. Needless to say, when my youngest went off to school, my world came crashing down in a horrible bout of depression that put me in bed for nearly six weeks. It was debilitating and frightening and there were times when I truly believed that I was going to die. One of my doctors wanted to do a spinal tap and that’s what sent me to a new doc who diagnosed my with depression and put  me on medication and, sure enough, after a couple of weeks I was able to get myself out of bed and out into the sunshine and back into life. It was the start of me taking time for myself and investing in myself – I started walking regularly and seeing a great therapist (or three) who have helped guide me to knowing myself.

I’ve been extremely fortunate to be able to get off the meds and haven’t had a relapse in years. I used to have a bit of a “down turn” at the end of summer when the kids went back to school. No dancing in the aisles at Staples for me! I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and can get upset, don’t get me wrong. I’ve spent several days at a time in my house/apartment/condo when my mother died and I was grieving. I did the same several months later when we buried her. The good news is that I know where to go when I need to get help and I now have the tools that I need to get myself back “on track”. I’m a lot happier when I remember to do something for me … and my knitting feeds that piece!

And now, I find myself in love with a man who (I think) would like to get married again. Some days I feel like that would be wonderful and some days not so much. Isn’t living together enough? So, I continue to invest in myself and follow my heart …

Free Knitting Pattern (and a little lesson)

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You may (or may not) know that I had my French daughter, her husband and baby boy here for a visit. We’d not seen each other for more than ten years and it was a wonderful reunion. I am continually amazed by how you can reconnect with people with whom you’ve lost touch over the years and, if they’re also willing, can start over where you left off!

It was as if no time had passed. (Well, except for the fact that she found a husband and has a baby!) We laughed and cried, ate, talked, shopped … a trip to TJ Maxx, Walmart and Wendy’s were some highlights. At Wendy’s N taught “la boulette” to dip his fries in ketchup! To watch a really cute short video, click here: bouletteatw

Happy Boulette bathes in the kitchen sink!

When it came time to put them on the airplane, the tears were just like those shed in years past. I’d “forgotten” how much I love “my kids” and how much it hurts to say “good bye”. But at the same time, how wonderful is it that I have this little family that isn’t really mine but feels like it!? And I know we’ll be together again (hopefully, soon!)

Bet you thought that I’d forgotten the free knitting pattern, didn’t you?

Nope! Here it is! This is perhaps an ugly blanket because I had to use yarn that I had here and it was very last minute when I realized that a warm blanket was going to be needed – badly needed!

“La Boulette” Blanket (an Original Queen Bee Knits design)

Needles: size 15 circular needle (or larger or smaller to fit your yarn)

Yarn: Vanna’s Choice by Lion Brand 4 skeins, knitted with yarn doubled throughout. (Note: this is a very simple blanket, knitted on the bias. It will make a square blanket and could be knit with ANY yarn and needles appropriate to the yarn weight. Just knit as in the pattern directions until it’s the width that you want and then start the decreases! Easy!)

Blanket Directions:

Cast on 4 sts.
K2, YO, K to end
Turn and K2, YO, K to end of row
Repeat these two rows (which are actually identical) until the blanket is the width that you want.

Middle

K2, YO, K2tog, K to end of row
Turn
Repeat the last row three times more (total of four rows)

now it’s decrease time!

K2, YO, K2tog, knit to 4 sts before end of row, K2tog, K2
Turn
Repeat the last row until there are 4 sts on the needles (decreasing one stitch in each row)
Cast off 4 sts
Weave in all ends

And here’s the little lesson …

How do you count rows when you’re knitting all rows (otherwise known as stockinette stitch)?

Counting Rows for Stockinette Stitch

Each “pair” of bumps, one looks like it arches up like the letter “u” and the other arches down, is a row. In this photo, there are five bump pairs which means that you’ve knitted ten rows … hunh? you say? Yes, you’ve knitted ten rows because there is a corresponding bump on the back of the fabric, too. For each row you see on one side of the fabric, there is a bump on the other side of the fabric when you knit “back”. See what I mean?

Try knitting a few rows. Yup, take out your needles and a single strand of yarn (the sample above is a double strand of yarn). Cast on about 20 stitches and knit across them. Then knit back again. Now … look at what you have. You’ve knitted two rows and there are two “pairs of bumps” one on the right side and one on the wrong side.

If you don’t get it, comment on this post and I’ll illustrate further!

But for now, I’ve gone knitting!

 

 

Rock-a-bye Baby

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I had the honor of rocking a baby to sleep yesterday.

I was in “hog heaven” as N. put it. “La Boulette” was having trouble staying asleep whether from being in a different place, adjusting to a different time zone, new teeth, or something else. He was pooped. When his parents went upstairs to have a nap, I got the baby all to myself and when he picked up his bottle I nabbed his little body and sat with him on my lap in the rocking chair …

My Gram was the only one I’ve ever known who had the heart, the patience and the calm to rock a baby for just as long as the baby wanted or needed. She could rock my first baby – who wouldn’t sit for anything or anyone and was constantly on the go. But she would sit with Gram in her easy chair and rock until the cows came home. Gram would just hum a little song or simply respond to K’s chatter and K would pass from bright-eyed to sleepy-eyed to gonzo. Gram was the one who, despite not having a “pot to piss in”, would buy you the sun and the moon if you asked her. But you didn’t need to ask. Just knowing that you were loved made it unnecessary. She was always my biggest cheerleader! I’m so grateful that I had her in my life.

So “la boulette” and I rocked for an hour or so. Kissed his silky soft hair, smelled his baby skin. I’m not sure that there’s anything more wonderful. He slept and I remembered my Gram. It was a wonderful day!

The way to a man’s heart …

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There are white caps on the lake this morning. When I look outside from the warmth of the wood stove, it looks (and sounds) a lot like the ocean. It’s a bit misty, too. Not a warm spring day in Belgrade!

We have a copy here of The Settlement Cook Book. Copyright 1944, the “Victory” (26th) edition published by the Settlement Publishing Company during WWII. Compiled by Mrs. Simon Kander. On the inside of the front cover is a lovely “autographed” photograph of Mrs. Simon Kander (if you click on the link above, there is a photo of the page!) who compiled the recipes and (not to worry) they’re “tested” recipes from “The Milwaukee Public School Kitchens, Girls Trades and Technical High School, Authoritative Dieticians and Experienced Housewives” … what a hoot!

As you may know, I love to bake. When I’m up here I like to use what we have around – much of which has been here for 50+ years. This cookbook is one of the things I love (and who’d ever have thought that it’s a rare, collectible book!) The big mixing bowl, is another. Anyway, I digress … Chapter One is entitled, “Household Rules” and it tells you all you need to know about keeping house – literally. Including, how to light a “modern” gas range, set a table, and how to make soap. One of my favorite recipes, though, is a recipe for “Scotch Scones” which I’ve used as the base of my recipe below and have adapted over the years according to what I’ve been eating. Since I’m now eating gluten-free, I’ll give you the basic scone recipe and then gluten-free!

Maine Blueberry “Scotch” Scones (best served warm with a cup of coffee or tea on a cold May day, inside by the wood stove when Lake Messalonskee looks like the ocean!)

2 cups bread flour (I use unbleached all-purpose flour)
4 teaspoons baking powder
2 Tablespoons sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
4 Tablespoons butter, cold!, cut into small cubes
2 eggs, well beaten
1/3 cup buttermilk or cream
1 cup Maine blueberries (frozen or fresh)
 
 
 
Wash your hands now and take off your rings … this gets messy!
 
 
 
Preheat oven to 350°.
 
 
 
Mix together flour, baking powder, sugar and salt. Add butter and with your hands, mix butter into flour mixture until it is all blended in by pinching it between your thumb and fingers. Flour will look like larger grains and no lumps of butter will remain. Add eggs and buttermilk and mix until just combined. Fold in blueberries. Toss dough onto a floured surface and pat or roll to a square about 3/4 inch thick. Cut into triangles about 2 inches across. (This time, though I patted mine into a circle 3/4 inches thick and cut it into large wedges.) Transfer to greased cookie sheet, brush with egg white, and sprinkle with your choice of brown sugar and cinnamon, organic raw cane sugar, cinnamon sugar, etc. (My traditional sprinkle is with Turbinado sugar but today I used brown sugar and cinnamon.)
 
 
 
Bake for approximately 15 minutes.
 
 
 
For the gluten-free version, substitute Bob’s Red Mill gluten-free baking mix for the flour and add 3/4 teaspoon of xantham gum but the rest of the recipe is the same.
 

Now, for a cup of tea and a bit of knitting … new on the needles this morning, the Queen Bee’s Tweed Boulette Blanket. My French daughter and her family are coming to visit after waaaayyy too many years and I’m worried that the baby, la boulette, will be cold. So, what does a good “grand-mere” do? … She knits one!

Off I go to knit and snack!

 
 

All My Bags Are NOT Packed

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Peter, Paul and Mary had it all … and they must have had some help if they always had their bags packed. I am not ready and here I sit at my desk, blogging away!

This little Yankee can’t waste a couple of rotting bananas so I had to bake some gluten-free banana blueberry muffins this morning. Killed two birds with one stone because I also used up the fresh Florida blueberries from Costco! And then I decided that a batch of “Mom’s Best” Granola was in order for the boy who’s turning 21 on Wednesday. His big gift will arrive on it’s own. I feel so lucky that we’re able to travel and that I can spend a couple hours with my “baby” on his special day.

All these years later, I’ve got some serious regrets that I didn’t wait until he was out of high school before I left Cincinnati. It would have only been a year … of course at the time, my head was reeling, my heart was wounded (and I was sure it was beyond repair) and I had this wonderful man who wanted me with him … or at least in the same town. I also thought that his father would “step up” and take the parenting seriously (since he hadn’t done too much of it when I was there). Not so much. What nobody realized – not me, not his/our therapist – was how much he was drinking and what a mess he really was. He could barely care for himself after my departure and he certainly didn’t do a great job of taking care of my son. I would never have left if I’d realized how poorly cared for my son would be – and that he was going to have to depend on friends on a regular basis. Neither did I realize how hurt he’d be when I left. I knew him as an independent kid who was seldom home. I was alone all the time in that big old house. Housing choices were not plentiful and it was expensive. But, today, looking back with my 20/20 hindsight vision, it would have been a good choice to stay for my son’s sake.

Over the course of the past four years, he’s graduated from high school, successfully completed (nearly) three years of an extremely competitive and demanding college curriculum and learned to brew beer in his apartment, cook like a professional chef, and dress to the nines. I’m really proud of the young man that he’s becoming and I hope he’s proud of himself.

I’m trying to do whatever it takes to rebuild a relationship with my boy. I love him more than life itself and I wish I could go back and un-do what I did. Sadly, it’s done and now I can only try to show him how much he means to me … even if it means spending an extra day or two in the car on an already long trip so I can have dinner with him on his 21st birthday. Happy Birthday (almost) Boy!

You better Swatch out … or you’ll be crying

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oops!

Here's the side view ... can you see the pretty buttons that I worried over? No?

Well, in all the years I’ve been knitting, I think I’ve knitted about two … maybe three … swatches. Yes, I know. Everybody tells you to knit a swatch to determine your gauge PRIOR to starting your garment (whatever it may be!)

I now have a better, first-hand understanding of WHY you should knit a swatch … even if it’s “just a cowl”!

from the back

Not exactly upstanding, is it!

front view

And from the front ... the leaning tower of cowl.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve taken three photos … well, I didn’t but my sweet love took time away from polishing his boots in the garage to take it for me.

Photo one above shows a side view. There are two lovely buttons that you can’t see because this cowl is so darned big. Nothing like the sample photo on the pattern. Why, you ask? Because the Queen Bee is a non-swatcher. (I’m almost ashamed to claim the title.) But it’s the truth and I always tell the truth.

It’s rather funny, actually. In my day-to-day life, I am such a rule follower. I don’t cross the street when it says “don’t walk” and I make a full stop (counting to three) at stop signs. I don’t litter. BUT … I don’t swatch!

And now, I will have the pleasure of frogging my lovely Thermis cowl and then making a swatch so that it turns out the right size. I’ll blog about it again, dear reader, when it’s knitted properly!

While I may have hit a creative block, I’m thinking about knitting … and am off to the library to find some books to peruse while my creative block is still in the building. 🙂

Progress

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Progress is all around me. The kitchen renovation, my blogs new banner is … well … new and different (if not exactly what I was wanting), my business is progressing, my contacts around my business are certainly progressing, my relationships with my boyfriend (partner, sweetie, man friend – what do you call a 50+ year old man with whom you are living but not married or engaged?), my children, my ex … and none of it in MY time!

But, I’m learning (it’s about time, right?) that it’s alright and I’m keeping my happy outlook most of the time. That is really progress. I’m proud that I’m clear about my direction despite little roadblocks that pop up in my way on occasion. For example, I’ve been taking classes in education which I will use to teach (knitting, elementary art classes, whatever) and this “semester” something got goofed up and I didn’t get signed up for the class which I thought I had signed up for. I believe that was an opportunity for me to spend more time with my girls and to focus on the business and knitting. Randy Pausch says that roadblocks are there to tell you how much you want something. He was a very, very wise man. If you haven’t watched his last lecture, click here. This is a MUST SEE video and it truly has changed my outlook on life. If you don’t cry, I think you’re a “tin man” without a heart.

For today, I’m good with the progress that I’ve made and that we’re making. My heart is full and I have way too much yarn to write any more!

Gone knitting!