Tag Archives: learning

Jane Fonda On Being Perfect vs. Whole

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Almost every day I try to take a little time to “wander around” on the Internet. The World Wide Web. It’s amazing how much time I can spend going from site to site without a clue about where I’ll land. And I love how much I learn! This morning, I started on email and then Facebook and then somehow got to Pinterest and then to OWN (Oprah’s new foray) where I found this video “Masterclass” by Jane Fonda that really resonated with me – being raised to value what others thought about how and who I should be.

http://www.oprah.com/common/omplayer_embed.html?article_id=35168

This started me thinking about myself (since I’m on a path to self-awareness and discovery) and I thought about a session that I had with my therapist yesterday in which she pointed out something that I had totally missed.

As I’ve chronicled here on this blog before, I have been “unemployed” in the real world, anyway, for two years. All the time I’ve been applying for jobs in our area here in Florida and have recently expanded my search to other areas around the country – places where I have some contact with friends or family so I don’t have to start all over again … well, at least I hope not. Anyway, I’ve, to date, been unsuccessful but remain hopeful.

The View from my Desk

Yesterday I was sharing that I had cleaned off my bulletin board and was going to make it a vision board (in so many terms) of what I wanted to have more of in my life. I had taken all of the clutter down and only left up a few things that I really liked … a bee postcard from my French daughter, a “Bee Happy” card from a Cincinnati friend, a “Please Knit Now” postcard my knitting teacher brought to our Maine group from England, a page from an old Rockwell book with our family crest, a note from a happy client, a great bee card that I found in Maine this past summer and another card from a co-worker in Ohio. I also have my lobster claw mitts and a couple of Dove chocolate wrappers – “Live your dreams” and “Do all things with love”.

My therapist was nearly laughing at me. “You’ve already done it,” she said. I was clueless. In essence, she told me that I had already put up things that were my vision – bees and knitting … that the universe is telling me to follow my passion with knitting and Queen Bee Knits and perhaps even suggesting that I should forego more job hunting and focus on what’s right in front of my face … Queen Bee Knits. I was in tears (happy tears, but tears none-the-less).

I have several ideas that I need to follow up on that should bring me some additional revenue streams and I have at least one idea for a book that I’d like to write. Perhaps that’s a good way for me to go … it’s terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. But if I can realize that nobody has to be perfect (as Jane did), then I am going to give it a try! I’m still searching for the “perfect” idea but I am so desiring the idea of being whole.

Gone knitting!

Challenge

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For Christmas I got some beautiful new yarn from my LYS – Knit in Longwood, Florida. It’s a relatively small shop but it’s warm and welcoming and they have some splendiferous (yes, my word!) fiber!

Anyway, it’s a super bulky yarn by Malabrigo called Rasta in the Archangel colorway. It’s lovely in it’s wide variety of colors from purple to yellow to orange and blue and green. Like all other Malabrigo yarns, though, it’s got a lovely, soft hand and it’s great to knit with! (None of the photos of the yarn look like the yarn that I have!)

Poor color (not accurate) and not a great look!

I have already used one hank to make a seed stitch cowl (it was a free pattern with the yarn). But when it was finished, I didn’t like the way it looked … especially when I put it on. So … I did what any other knitter would do and frogged the sucker! Un-wove (yes, another one of my words!) the ends and ripped it out, ready to start over again.

Tonight, I’m trying a new approach. Something that I thought about when I was braiding the  ties for an earflap hat. Something totally different and an “out of the box” approach to this beautiful yarn.

Once again my knitting relates to my life. I’ve started a new life after having lived a very different one. My marriage needed to be  frogged too (so to speak). It wasn’t working. Not in the fabric of my life. It didn’t make me happy. Today, I’m re-knitting the frogged yarn. Creating a new life that suits me better. Learning the feel of the yarn in my hand as it passes through my fingers with each stitch … just as I’m learning about myself and the fibers that are spun together to make up the person that I am today. It’s a work-in-progress. But it’s fitting better and I’m learning so much and I’m knitting a beautiful fabric that will be my life.

Each time I sign off from an entry on this blog, I say, “gone knitting” or something similar. It’s not said lightly because, for me, knitting is serious business. I’m knitting in the hope that I can make a living and I’m knitting to make a life. And today, life is good.

Gone knitting.

Another Tumble

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I took another tumble today … literally … silly old leg fell asleep while sitting at my desk chair and when I stood up to walk over to the other side of the Atelier, crash … landed on my left knee. A little ice and a little levity and I was back up-and-at-em! A good day.

My student has learned to cast on, knit and cast off. She also learned how to weave in the ends. She did a great job with her first scarf. Part of her success is that she kept frogging it when she realized that she’d made a mistake. I love teaching. Next week she’ll learn purl. Then we’ll follow a pattern!

Tonight was my new knitting group. A great group of women … just what I was looking for. Social and inclusive and my age! This weekend is Orlando’s “Distaff Day” and I’ve volunteered to demonstrate making yarn from old t-shirts. I’ve done it once. That makes me a pro! (hahaha!)

Thinking Ahead

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Happier 2012

I’m thinking ahead to the New Year. 2011 was a tough one – and it’s not over yet. I still have one thing to deal with … deals with the devil have a habit of spreading negativity and destruction in a very wide swath. I’m facing it, though, with grace.

The holidays were tough but 2011 hasn’t been all bad – I got to see all three kids in Maine this summer and the oldest one came back for more and brought her sweetie and dog for several days. I think those were the highlights of the year. My business has grown and I’m clearer about what I will (and won’t) accept in my life.

In 2012 I want to be happier. I want to continue to block out the negativity of others – even if it means cutting them out of my life. I want to eat clean food and feed clean food to my darling doggers. I will continue to find alternatives to having chemical cleaners in my home. I have to do something about these sore knees that don’t like to bend more than 90 degrees. I want to exercise more and drink less. I need to seek more abundance – not only monetary abundance but abundance of all good things … love, fun, travel, acceptance, health, family … and yarn! 😛

I’m working toward being a Master Knitter with the Knitting Guild and have signed up for classes with Annie Modesitt. I’d like to find a graduate level class in social work or counseling – only one for the time being. In lieu of that, maybe an Art History or pottery (wheel). I need to find some opportunities to get out and meet people – starting with volunteering at our local elementary school as a mentor (after the official training, of course!).

2012 is going to be a much better year! I can feel it!

Gone knitting.

I Believe …

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1992

I’m not a huge fan of Christmas. I’ve always liked Thanksgiving best.

Christmas was OK when my children were little … nothing like the excitement of Santa Claus early (very early) on Christmas morning … it’s believing in miracles that is so sweet with children.

Now, when my children are grown (and Christmas stuff is out before Halloween), … it’s way too commercial. People are all in a hurry and seem to forget that they’re not the only ones driving (there have been two fatal accidents close to here in the last week) or shopping or whatever-they’re-doing. I’m not sure if this is because of the season or the lack of people-contact that we have in our world today. We seem to have no realization that our actions can impact the life of someone else.

That being said, here are some things that I believe.

I believe that every house should have only one television … and maybe none at all but I realize that’s unrealistic. When we all are able to go to our own corners and watch whatever we want whenever we want, we learn selfishness. When we learn selfishness and then are rewarded with gifts galore, we learn entitlement. Selfishness and entitlement are not pretty when they combine.

I believe that we need to give something of ourselves away. By that I mean giving gifts (anonymous donations, hand-made and sent away, something from the heart) that we have absolutely no expectation of getting anything in return. This year I’ve knitted a hat for a baby in Maine as part of the Period of Purple Crying project. Nobody (well, maybe you who read this blog will know) even knows that I donated a hat. I hope the baby that wears that hat is warm and safe this Christmas. Nobody knows that I sent another had to a soldier … I’m hoping that soldier is coming home this Christmas. I’ve read about K-Mart shoppers having their layaway items paid for and Caribou Coffee orders paid for. This is great giving and just what the spirit of the season is all about – giving freely, no strings attached. When strings are attached, it’s not really a gift at all. It’s a bribe, a manipulation and nobody likes being manipulated.

I believe that we need to search our souls to find out what we believe. How we want to live our lives. How we want to be treated and, thus, how we will commit to treating others. The “golden rule” … “do unto others as you would have others do unto you” is not a bad way to live. We left our summer house clean with crisp air-dried sheets on the beds, floors swept, kitchen clean, fridge stocked. We leave hotel rooms with a tip for the maid (tips= “to insure proper service”) because we appreciate the clean sheets and towels. We leave the beaches and hiking trails with gathered from the surf and sand and woods trash. Left behind by selfish, thoughtless, litterers who didn’t think about how beautiful the woods were in Maine in July. Someone who couldn’t be bothered to carry his Coke can down the trail to the garbage can at the parking lot. (See paragraph 2 about selfishness and entitlement combining.)

1984

I believe that we can’t spoil a baby with love. Babies require copious amounts of holding and hugging and kissing and cooing. Require! And in order to be able to provide all that loving, we need to take care of ourselves. If that means spending 3 nights (in tears because I could feel their pain) listening to them cry themselves to sleep according to the doctor’s advice, then we all learned something. (By the way, those were three of the most difficult nights of my life. Three times.)

I believe in miracles (I found my big brother when I was 50), I believe in caring and compassion (I keep McDonald’s gift cards in my car to give to homeless people who might need a hot meal), I believe in volunteering and giving back. I believe in Karma … you get what you give.

I believe in therapy (mental health and yarn). It keeps my hands busy and my heart goes into every stitch. Knitting is therapeutic for me. While I knit a garment, I think about the person who will wear it. I think about the stitches and all else falls away.

This has been a good year full of learning for me. The bumps in the road remind me to value the smooth roads. The few illnesses have reminded me to appreciate health (mine and that of those I love). Short times together remind me that I love being with my family and that there’s never enough time spent together – and that’s such a good thing because it means we love each other and get along. I miss my parents, my grandmother, my children at Christmas – good, too, because it means we’ve had good times together and I desire there to be more. I am thrilled to be making a little bit of money doing what I love and look forward to doing more of it.

I’m moving forward. As unperfect (ha! autocorrect doesn’t like that word) I am, I am enough. I am consistently working to be a better person … learning more about myself, my world, my art, eating less (and exercising more), meeting people, creating true friendships, one step, one day, one moment at a time.

Gone baking …. hey, it is Christmas! 🙂

 

12 1/2 … do I hear 13?

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Thirteen is off the needles.

Twelve and thirteen need their ends woven in and fourteen is on the needles. Can I tell you how happy I will be to be able to return to knitting what I WANT to knit? Does that sound ungrateful? It’s not meant to be. I’m so grateful for the two orders which will put my income at a new level … above zero! Yay for me!

I really do love knitting and want to believe that there will be a door that opens up to me so that I can use my skills and make enough money to support myself … and my little dogs. I’d like to be able to help my kids when they need it too.

Right now the situation is a bit dicey … but I know this too shall pass and I will come out the other side a better person. I’ve decided always (to at least try to) take the high road. No gossip, no kvetching, no mean-spirited manipulation. I am choosing to behave as if … as if the world is my oyster. As if I am convinced that the universe will not let me be homeless and hungry. As if the next wonderful and fulfilling career is just around the corner. As if I’m not afraid. Or lonely.

I’m so grateful for the support of the universe and my brothers and sisters (I said before that I don’t like the sister-in-law title as it seems to hold my brother’s wives outside of the inside circle.) I am one lucky girl … healthy, a roof over my head, food in my stomach, yarn in my Atelier and three healthy children. I am grateful for N. who loves me even as I collapse into a puddle. He helps me up when I am ready and on we go.

So, I have two more pairs for the big fingerless mitten order. And then a pair of felted slippers to make for an Etsy customer. Life is good. I’m making money doing what I love and the universe will provide.

Gone knitting!

Sore Fingers

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Eight hours today … knitting a pair of fingerless mittens. But I now know that this is not the pattern to “follow” for my order of 15 pairs! I’ve got to devise a much simpler pattern with heavier weight yarn and bigger needles! I’m thinking a worsted weight yarn and size 7 dpns.

Starting where I was today, I think I can safely guess that I’ll have to cast on about 35 stitches and will do a rib pattern around. Perhaps the cuff can have a couple rounds of purled stitches so that they “stand out” from the rest of the mitt. Then a rib pattern with a thumb gusset and ta da! They’re done!

I have some great colorful wool from Maine and will have to check my stash to see what other wonderful yarns I have that would be appropriate.

For now, I’m going to stop knitting and go read a book – my fingers have knitted enough for today and they need a rest!

UFOs No More!

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Woo! Hoo! I’m wrapping up some (long overdue?) projects … it feels really good to get them off the needles and into use. Socks from hell. These are the ones that I tried (and won’t try again – at least for awhile) to do two socks on one needle. It was a struggle to get the hang of knitting two socks on one needle but I’m always open to a new knitting challenge. This one was OK until I came to turning the heel. I asked Betty (my Maine knitting teacher) who couldn’t explain her method to me and did it for me. I’m sure there are others  – perhaps one person who is in my new knitting group – who like to have their socks exactly the same and that’s what this method is best known for. Perhaps, after a while, I’ll decide to give it another shot. For now, I am glad that these socks are off the needles and I may just have to put them on my feet today.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mac Bag Blue. I have had this yarn hanging around in my stash (yes, I have a pretty amazing stash … what’s the big deal?) since my eldest daughter (now 27 1/2) was around two. My son got quite a giggle about this this morning on the phone and pointed out that the yarn has been traveling around with me for more than two decades. Well, yeah, and so?! 🙂 Anyway, this project grew out of needing a properly-fitting bag for my new Mac. I used a seed stitch for the main body of the bag and then used a more stretchable 2×2 rib (in two colors because I ran out of blue) for the pouch on front that holds the cord. I think it came out well. The black leather button seals it all up and adds a pop – different texture and different color family. I am really proud of the end result and now I need somewhere to travel!

Prima Dogma Bulky Turtle(neck) This is the first half of my first Prima Dogma by Queen Bee Knits first order. It’s based loosely on a design that I’ve made before but needed to change quite a bit in order to fit a teeny-weeny dog. Truthfully, I’ve knit this sweater twice and “frogged” it twice before I got it right. Now, I have to type up the pattern and will likely start offering these for sale in my Etsy shop. My client asked me to make it pink with grey stripes … I love the colors that I chose and I hope she will like them, too. The sweater is styled to look like you’re wearing your boyfriend’s sweater … a bit big and bulky but oh so very warm and cozy. Yarn is a bulky baby alpaca – super soft and it will also be super warm! Before I block it, Lola will model and I’ll post photos.

Next on the needles… Prima Dogma for Queen Bee Knits Señorita Lolita sweater in a pretty peachy pink wool. Not sure what the flower will be yet. Stay tuned! Also, a hat for my son. Another custom pattern in specific stripes – black, grey and orange – with cables and earflaps. Also black socks (they’re started but haven’t gotten very far) for my son.

Left to finish … my Noni felted bag. Knitting and felting is done but the lining and handles need to be added so I can tote it around. It’s so pretty … maybe tomorrow? I’m not a super-sewer!

We’re off to get outside in this beautiful cooler-but-warming-up weather! It’s already past noon! How does that happen!

Gone knitting!

 

Knitting Progress and a Treat!

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My Facebook page is heading toward 200 “likes” and I’m really excited about offering another “treat” when we get there. I’m not sure what it will be this time but I’m sure it will be something fun – I get to knit something that I’d like to have that’s not an order or a gift that’s specifically for someone else.

My Cambridge shawl is done! Yippee!!! I finished it on our way down to Naples (FL) to visit N’s mother in the “home”. I am really pleased with the way it turned out. It took a lot of time but I love the pattern (a basket stitch that’s a bit off; kind of like me. LOL!) and I love the ruffles.

Cambridge Shawl by Carol Sunday - pattern on Ravelry

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve also finished the knitting part of the Mac Envelope that I knitted using old yarn (it’s been in my stash since my eldest – now 27 1/2 – was about 2). I think it’s going to be a great piece and will protect my beloved Mac!

MacEnvelope ... almost finished!

 

I went to a new knitting group last night in Casselberry (FL) and it was great fun. Thanks to Cindi for letting me know about it. There were ten of us and I heard about a special treat (which I signed up for immediately). In late January, Annie Modesitt is coming to town! She’ll be teaching four classes and I’ll be front and center in every single one – Embellishments, Heel! (Toe up socks called “Mutt-Luks” for dogs), Entrelac Lace and a Mitered Bag (modular knitting)! Yay! I love Annie Modesitt!

I still have to line and finish my felted tote. Frankly, I’m a bit intimidated to pull out the old sewing machine. I’m going to try to power through it … maybe even this weekend. But first I have a Prima Dogma by Queen Bee Knits order to finish.

Gone knitting!

Hot! Hot! Hot!

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My goodness! It’s not often that we’re really hot in Maine (much more normal in Florida) but whew, today is a stinker!

A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte – Seurat

I got a lot accomplished today, though not a whole ton of knitting because I keep getting sidetracked by a puzzle on the dining room table. I have a thing about puzzles and I have trouble leaving them without putting in just one more piece! All kidding aside, I really do like puzzles and this one is a great French art … George Seurat’s pointillist piece.


My vest is coming along. I admit that I knitted an entire right side row (which should have been the pattern stitch.) I had to frog the entire row – way too much to “repair”. But I’m making progress. Checked the gauge again today and I’m “on the money” so I’m hoping it will fit, too! (That’s always good when you’re knitting a garment … fit, that is!)

Week two of my Human Biology online class is done. I took the quiz today and did OK. It’s a real struggle for me to take a class and memorize information that has no logical application to my life. I know, I know, I’m human and thus it could be interesting – and it is on one level but also way more information than I think I’ll ever use in my next profession. Why it’s required in order to enter the MSW program, I’m not sure. When they admit me, I guess I’ll find out! 🙂

Well, eight minutes are left for my ebay auction … sure do hope I win! I have a very special person that I want to send it to … I love him/her a ton! 🙂

Off I go to watch the last few minutes … refresh buttons are wonderful!

Gone shopping!